Monday, March 2, 2009

Precious Scars?

Yesterday I was visiting with a cousin who a year ago, suffered the loss of an infant daughter. She was holding her 3 week old son.
In the course of our talking I was telling her about how when I had my first baby, I had terrible nursing problems, my baby had bad tummy aches especially at night, which meant almost no sleep! (I saw the familiar look of exhaustion in her eyes.) At two weeks, while at Grandpa's house for dinner, I looked up to see my mom watching me from across the room with such a look of sympathy in her eyes that it undid me and I lost it! I cried and cried!
The song I clung too through that time was: "I can face tomorrow, jump over every barrier. No mountain is too big for Him, He can solve anything.
I was down in deep desperation, on the verge of giving up my life. Jesus came in the right time and upheld me with His mighty hand..."
Anyways, by the time our daughter was 6 weeks, things were much better. Needless to say, I have actual scars.
I was still nursing Carolie when she died (drowned). Somehow (don't ask me how) the things I suffered with her, the birth and then the nursing agony, became very precious to me. I often think of the verse where Paul says, "I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus."
Somehow, as life goes on and we heal and adjust, and we let go of pain, it sometimes seems as if it was a dream that she ever was. But...I bear in my body the marks of Carolie and I weep even now as I write.
Yesterday, as I was sharing a bit of this with Natalie, she right away knew what I meant. She says she feels the same way about her cesarean scar. All at once, after almost 10 years of feeling this way, it occurred to me...
Are Jesus' scars as precious to Him?


Amber said...

What an awesome post. I love the analogy to Jesus' scars. I do not know the pain of losing a child after birth but do have a "c section" scar from a baby that never made it past 8 weeks inside me (a ruptured ectopic pregnancy). I understand being thankful for the scars because this scar is the only visible reminder I have of this little baby - and I am happy it's there :-)

Coriander said...

Very good post. Gives me much to think about!