Today my firstborn daughter would be a teenager.
I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster ride. Yesterday we heard the heartbeat of the baby in my womb. It is the sound of LIFE, yet still a life that is never ours to control, or keep as our own. It is a gift, to be lovingly held for as much time as we are given.
This winter I have been puzzling over the blessing and brevity of life. It seems like every few days we hear of some new joy or sorrow, in this endless cycle of life and death.
Like the death of an almost-two-year old that was born with a heart defect... then the birth of a daughter to a couple who have longed and waited for a baby for years...
Answers to prayers come in all shapes and size, sometimes joyfully and sometimes most painfully, but always accompanied by GRACE.
I have not arrived at any concrete conclusions in my pondering of all this...only that life is full of conundrums that we may never grasp. The thing is, God, who made each of us, knows us and knows what completes us, and He is committed to complete the good work He has begun in us.
He also NEVER leaves us comfort-less.
Today the girls are excited to celebrate Carolie's birthday. It is a special occasion, even to them, who never met her. We will make some special foods and maybe watch home videos of her... watch her bottle feed the baby deer in Bolivia...scolding it and smacking it's head every time it butts her over... and laugh like we always do. There'll be tears too. My cheeks feel like a well-watered garden already. But I'm so glad God gave her to us! It is worth the pain.
I am so glad that Jesus thought we were worth His pain. Ours pales in comparison.
"Thou hast made us for Thyself, and our heart is restless 'til it rests in Thee." - Augustine