Sunday, March 22, 2009

Morning Mercies Once Again

Last night, we laid a little burden down at the foot of the cross. This morning His mercies are new. Accompanied by Peace, I was delivered of what we thought would be a new member of our family this fall. With no trauma, not having to leave home, or suffer anything intense or scary, my body went through the motions of having a baby, only there was no baby. Our midwife came and examined what was lost and there was a tiny placenta and an amniotic sack about the size of an olive, but nothing in it. God knows for me this made the grief less. Nervertheless, I weep...
This morning I was reminded that even though there is not at this time to be a little girl named "Mercy", Mercy is still mine! I am my beloveds and He is mine!
The other morning I read on this blog about how the things we go through are worth it if it means we get to know Jesus deeper through it. I say amen.
Yesterday morning after I posted here, I was really fighting worry etc. In my spirit I was feeling so yucky. As I was combing Hadassah's hair, I was growing very frustrated. She wasn't cooperating and none of the others were either. She was being goofy and I was definitely not feeling in a goofy mood myself. I went on this tirade telling the girls I need them to cooperate with me, and my attitude was not Christ! Hadassah went downstairs when I was finished and began cleaning up in their room. Right away I knew what was going on and I called the girls all together for a talk.
I asked Hadassah, "Mama was kind of mean to you when I was combing your hair, wasn't I?" She right away said, "Yeah, but it's ok" That about broke my heart! I explained that it is not ok.
You see, while I was blogging, prior to that, I had read a beautiful post that had these two quotes that really struck me. "To bring up a child in the way he should go, try traveling that way yourself once in a while." (I happen to think the "once in a while" should be left off!) and
"Don't worry that your children never listen to you, worry that they are watching you."
Talk about a timely word for me!
I simply told my girls that I was worried about the baby, and that made me grouchy and impatient. I could not reach into my tummy and take care of the baby or make sure it was alright, so that was God's job, and I should not worry. I reminded each of them of different things they've struggled with where I have taught them to not be afraid, but to remember that Jesus is with them, and how I have to do the same thing! It's no different. Then I prayed, asking for God's help and mercy on us. It was a precious time of, together, as daughters, going to our Father. Damaris, who is very non-verbal when it comes to how she feels, said a knowing and simple "amen".
That meant a lot to me, because it is not their "habit" to repeat "amen", and just very recently I had asked them if they knew what saying amen meant and had explained it to them. I knew her amen was meaningful. Also I have went through much with her, watching God show Himself to her and seeing her overcome fear with His help. Praise Him!
The other thing that is on my heart this morning is a song we learned when I was a child, that was special to my Dad. (My parents had been "expelled" from a church that believed they were the only true church of God, and as they went through much searching and upheaval, God made it clear who His people/church are.)
For I'm building a people of power
And I'm building a people of praise
Who will move through this land by my Spirit
And will glorify my precious name
So build your church, Lord
Make it strong, Lord
Join our hearts, Lord
To Your Son
Make us one, Lord
In Your body
In the kingdom of Your Son
In all that we are going through, He is endeavoring to build us up in Himself. It is all worth it! As in the Kathryn Scott song in yesterday's post, I'm here to "kiss the feet of Mercy". These things He walks us through do join our hearts to His Son, and so to Him! Thank You, Daddy!


Fraccion Trash said...

I love you sis.

Amber said...

Great post Janelle! I am sorry for your pain and loss. I loved the link too - it is a little pearl in the midst of the pain knowing that what we go through brings us closer to God. It is so true and so essential. Not easy, but essential.

Coriander said...

So sorry to hear about the loss! I am glad that you are feeling His mercy and peace though! That is always the amazing thing about the Lord, he upholds us even while allowing us to go through painfil things and makes it so that our burden really is light. Or maybe I should say, His burden.

christa jean said...

My heart ached for you as I read this post. I too have experienced loss. I took hope in the fact that all the days planned for my little one were fulfilled.

I love the second quote! I read it on your blog last week and I just had to come back to tell you how stuck in my head it has been!
Thank you.