Believing and Receiving

A New Year = New Mercies

2012-01-02T18:28:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year to all of our friends and family!
2011 was full of the faithfulness of God to us! I am grateful for so much!
It was a full year, each season's busy-ness somehow eclipsing the one preceeding it.

The best gift in 2011 was this little man... He continues to grow, healthy and developing at a rapid rate. He is sitting up now, and finally rolled from back to front the other day. He is full of smiles still, and will laugh when coaxed. His sleeps habits are great! I am so glad he seems to do quite well with people/crowds. The month of December was especially full!

Chloe and Hadassah put on a clown show for us one evening last week. They seemed to have the right idea as to how to go about it... exaggerated movements and all! These two share a room and are never far from one another.

Damaris contiues to love taking piano lessons. She is just finishing up Alfred's Basic Piano Library Level 4. She is frequently to be seen in her corner at the keyboard. Her teacher is going to winter in Florida for the next two months, so we may look for someone to fill in. She does have plenty to practice and needs no prodding to do so.

Abi loves Bubby (as he is frequently called). Every morning she comes and wants to snuggle with him.
Today is the first day that it really feels like winter... cold, and snowflakes in the air almost all day, and it is sticking!
Stay warm everyone! Most of all, may our hearts be warmed by the spirit of Christ Jesus dwelling there!

...&...

2011-11-02T10:51:00.002-04:00

So this post is a long time overdue... but that is how it is.
Isaac John was born into our family on July 6, 2011, the morning after his due date... also the 12th anniversary of Carolie's being laid to rest. What a day!
He weighed 7 lbs. and 3 oz., the littlest one, second to Carolie, who weighed 7lbs. 1 oz.
He stole all our hearts from the first moment... and we seem to have completely lost them ever since. Abi said the day he was born, that it was the best day of her life!!!
Isaac has made the adjustment of having a baby in the house very smooth. He almost never has a tummy ache. Daddy LOVES the fact that he can calm him and get him to sleep like it was never possible to do with the girls. He is a frequent smiler, but so far reserves most of his laughs for me, which I of course take particular pleasure in!
By 12 weeks he doubled his weight. The scale I weigh him on only goes to 15 pounds, so I quit weighing him weekly a couple weeks ago.
He is his father's son, in that he startles easily, seems to relish "creature comforts", and doesn't mind being continually smothered with kisses! :)

None of these pictures show it well, but he has blue eyes, that seem to be, not only NOT turning brown, but getting bluer! His hair is also more blonde than any of the girls were. He has a whole crop of ducky fuzz, especially fuzzy right after the shower!

These last two pictures were taken at Mohican State Park.

Now, as for the reason for the title...

AND... &

Last evening I was eating some chocolate ( nothing noteworthy in that, it's a pretty regular occurence:). It happened to be made by "Green & Black's". I found myself reading the inside of the wrapper. The words that jumped out at me were:

Live in the &

Like me, you may find yourself asking... what?

"&. It's where green meeets black. Where indulging in life exists harmoniously with respecting it. No compromises."

I think if I was to sum up what all this summers experiences have been working towards teaching me, it might be to

LIVE IN GOD'S &.

I am finding out that God wants me to indulge in Him and His provision for all my need...
...in who He is and all that that implies in my life.
I am not to take lightly who He is, have a healthy respect for how unlimited He is.
Life, the LIFE of Christ in me, needs to be all that motivates me.
NO COMPROMISES.

"There is no thief like fear."

Our God is able.

An Epiphany of Sorts

2011-06-03T20:49:00.004-04:00

I know it's been a long time since I've posted anything here... When times are busiest or the most "full" of content that one needs to absorb, then I take the least amount of time to write about it.

Tonight is one of those evenings when Abe is working late fixing his baler so it is ready to roll up hay again tomorrow. He is (we all are) rejoicing in the lovely sunshine we have been having this week and can happily say the corn and soybean seeds are all tucked in the dirt where they belong, and field by field, thanks to much help from friends and family who are available to work, the hay is being made!

Anyway, I was just doing some clean-up in the kitchen during and after a short phone conversation, and I had an epiphany of sorts...

Let me see if I can capture it into words.

I was thinking about how blessed I am that Abe trusts me with money. It occurred to me that every cent we own is at my disposal. How wild is that!!! Yet it is ordinary to me, something I take for granted. I have absolutely no desire to abuse that trust.

Anyway... the epiphany is that if we are the bride of Christ.............................

Into my mind popped the Proverbs 31 verse where it says "The heart of her husband safely trusts in her."

Oh my! I so long for Jesus Christ, my beloved bridegroom, to be able to safely trust in me. That I would be so HIS that He could entrust anything to me.

I have to think... for Abe and I, that trust is there because of relationship. It develops over time and through circumstances that we walk through together, and yet in one sense it's been there all along. I think it has something to do with me knowing his heart and him knowing mine.

Is it any different with God?

I know it seems to me over the past few years that in the majority of the life experiences I have been through, there is a pattern that keeps emerging.

God keeps on saying to me, in essence, "Who do you say that I am?"

All of what I do and what transpires in my life is my answer to that question, whether I realize it or not.

I know He knows my heart, but I am learning more all the time how very little I grasp His heart towards me, towards us all. How great is His mercy and loving-kindness!

Well, as you can see this is a rambling attempt to collect my thoughts... or rather to let my thoughts go rambling where they should in order to challenge me to further trust God with my life!

Have a blessed evening! - Janelle

Shortcuts to the Sweet Stuff

2011-03-05T14:52:00.004-05:00

For the first time, I am trying my hand at cooking maple syrup. Abe tapped some trees here in our yard and we have been collecting the sap as it comes. I am told it takes an average of forty gallons of sap to cook down into a single gallon of maple syrup. And oh, how sweet it is!

I preheat the sap on the stove and then pour it into an 18 quart roaster in the garage. It gets all moist and steamy out there. Hours, then days, go by, and eventually there is a pint...then two...then three... sitting on my counter.

In the meantime, I find myself thinking of ways to use the sap without cooking it all the way down to syrup. I've learned it makes really good chai, tea, probably any sweet drink, to just cook it until it has the sweetness I like. There is also a lovely delicate flavor to it, very mellow. In a fraction of the time it takes to make even one fourth of a cup of maple syrup, I have a gallon of very good cinnamon tea, all sealed in jars to enjoy ice cold on some hot summer day. It might be my imagination, but it tastes more exotic, just knowing it is purely maple sap, cinnamon, cloves, and mint, no sugar added.

But sweet tea is a far cry from maple syrup.

THERE ARE NO SHORT-CUTS TO THE TRULY SWEET STUFF.

The thoughts on my mind and on my heart today have been a struggle to hold out for the sweet stuff. The tea is pretty good, after all, and there's nothing wrong with tea. It's just not maple syrup and never can be.

And I want the maple syrup.

Sometimes it seems like God takes such a long slow route to get us to the sweet stuff. I do know the sweetness of waiting on Him, not trying to force His hand, and seeing Him work out more incredible sweetness than I can comprehend. But I am still so prone to impatience.

Suddenly this afternoon, I heard His voice through the process of making maple syrup. I choose, in the issues that are in my life right now, to wait and be still, to trust God to distill away whatever He needs to in me, and to trust Him to work in the lives of those nearest and dearest to me, to the same desired end - the sweet stuff.

Another thing shouted loudly to me today.

Damaris has been steadily progressing in learning to play the piano. I am amazed at what sounds she can make come rippling out from under her fingers already!

For the last few weeks she has been playing over and over something her cousin taught her, very pretty with a nice rhythm to it. I assumed it was some sort of finger exercise, it had no real "tune" to it.

This week her piano teacher (Judy) is back after being gone for over a month, and we were there for a lesson. While she was taking a phone call, Damaris was playing through some of the things she enjoys, the "finger exercise" being one of them. To my surprise, Judy says, "Why, that's "Heart and Soul" she's playing!" and promptly joins her in the duet I didn't know it actually is. The part she played was the "tune", and if I thought the "accompaniment" was pretty, I am here to tell you, it's just the accompaniment.

That was Wednesday. It took me until today and the battle I was in, to see the beauty in it all.

I think our God wants us to get it through our thick heads that what we have experienced of His goodness so far in our lives is only the accompaniment, to what He really longs to pour out on and in us if we will only keep saying yes to Him in our hearts and lives. It's still the "sweet tea".

He is the "Heart and Soul" and will put heart and soul into everything we let Him. He is the one Who made the life-blood of the tree, so that when it is distilled out into it's purest form, it is a product of utter sweetness.

The cross is another tree similar to the maple.

I want to hold still, not meddle in His work, and just abide in Him.

I write this all in much weakness, feeling the need to put it down in black and white. - Janelle

To eat, or not to eat...

2011-02-11T09:25:00.003-05:00

Recently, through a chain of circumstances not linked by me, a new aspect of an old truth about myself was hit home to me, hopefully to an ever-increasing depth.

It seems like time and again God has brought to my attention that any excellence in my life must be of God, and not of myself.

One day, in what felt like a random phone call, I was called to account for how friendly, or in this case, how "not friendly" I had greeted someone in the local Walmart. No matter what I said, I could not convince this person that I hold no ill feelings whatsoever toward the person they thought I slighted. To keep a long story short, I felt very attacked, from out of nowhere. It really rattled me.

Some days later there was an entirely different encounter that also made me really question myself and threw me into a certain degree of turmoil.

Then one afternoon, as all this was brewing on the simmer burner in my heart, I started asking God to show me what it was that He wanted me to see, 'cause I could sense there was something.

I always find it so incredible, how God can take something that feels like such a muddle, and shed such clean light on it, when I open it up to Him.

He showed me once again, how important it is to me to feel "right". Funny as it may seem, the thought that helped me see it clearly, was about Jesus walking through the cornfield on the Sabbath, and plucking the ear of corn, and eating it.

If that was me, I would have went hungry.

I know it's not violating the true Sabbath to pluck and eat the corn. But I am strong enough in myself that I would have denied myself the bite to eat, for the sake of not stumbling someone, for the sake, truly, of not having someone look cross-eyed at me for my actions.

If Christ picked and ate the corn, it was for a very good reason (besides being hungry).

My not eating the corn would actually be a mis-representation of Christ. I would be choosing self-rightness (actually self-righteousness) over the liberty in Christ that we are exhorted to STAND FAST in.

It breaks my heart, how prone I am to self-righteousness... one could walk away from that cornfield feeling superior to the others munching their ear of corn, that I had the discipline or self control to do without. What a load of garbage! In all reality, I would be the one grieving the heart of my Father! It is not a virtue, to have, but not walk in, the liberty and life that is in Christ. It is actually setting myself up as knowing better than God...and that is shades of you-know-who! God forbid!

So, I walk away from this, feeling an ever growing determination to let Christ live and move and have His being in me, to be nothing and no one in my own eyes first of all, and then to forget about the ones who might look cross-eyed at me and just concern myself with whatever He says to me. I want to completely be God's girl...not my own.

For we have this treasure in earthen vessels,

that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.

2 Cor. 4:7

I want to spend all the rest of my days discovering the joy of what it feels like to live for an audience of ONE! To stand or fall by His measurement alone...because He is so very rich in mercy!

Conundrums and Rest

2011-01-17T09:41:00.004-05:00

The sun is shining brightly on a new day, and yet for me, today is a day of remembering...

Today my firstborn daughter would be a teenager.

I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster ride. Yesterday we heard the heartbeat of the baby in my womb. It is the sound of LIFE, yet still a life that is never ours to control, or keep as our own. It is a gift, to be lovingly held for as much time as we are given.

This winter I have been puzzling over the blessing and brevity of life. It seems like every few days we hear of some new joy or sorrow, in this endless cycle of life and death.

Like the death of an almost-two-year old that was born with a heart defect... then the birth of a daughter to a couple who have longed and waited for a baby for years...

Answers to prayers come in all shapes and size, sometimes joyfully and sometimes most painfully, but always accompanied by GRACE.

I have not arrived at any concrete conclusions in my pondering of all this...only that life if full of conundrums that we may never grasp. The thing is, God, who made each of us, knows us and knows what completes us, and He is committed to complete the good work He has begun in us.

He also NEVER leaves us comfort-less.

Today the girls are excited to celebrate Carolie's birthday. It is a special occasion, even to them, who never met her. We will make some special foods and maybe watch home videos of her... watch her bottle feed the baby deer in Bolivia...scolding it and smacking it's head every time it butts her over... and laugh like we always do. There'll be tears too. My cheeks feel like a well-watered garden already. But I'm so glad God gave her to us! It is worth the pain.

I am so glad that Jesus thought we were worth His pain. Ours pales in comparison.

"Thou hast made us for Thyself, and our heart is restless 'til it rests in Thee." - Augustine

New Beginnings

2011-01-11T17:00:00.003-05:00

It's about time to post an update on here! I had a couple of drafts I intended to post, but sometimes if I can't quite put into words what I want to say, and if it doesn't feel right to me, there it sits until I feel ruthless and delete.

December was full... Chloe and Abigail had their birthdays, which we celebrated by having a tea party. Abi is four years old now! She strives to keep up with her big sisters in all things.

When I was shopping for her birthday, I asked her what is her favorite thing to play with.

After some time, she said, "Mommy, my favorite thing to play with is my sisters!"

Chloe is six years old. She is discovering the joys of reading, this winter. Also, she and Hadassah spend as much time as possible playing outside if there is any snow. We have clean fresh snow blanketing the ground again today!

Chloe wanted these pink snowballs instead of birthday cake this year, which was a blessing for this morning sick mom! Also special because they were a favorite of my Dad's!

Yes, one of the new beginnings for us is the expected arrival of a baby in July!

We are most excited, since there are miscarriages in my past. I am now in the beginning of the 15th week, and so far there have been no complications. The girls are tickled at the thought of a baby in the house. It will be a bit different for me, having older children to help. Last time my oldest was 6, with a 4 year old, and a 2 year old. Damaris will be 11 the same month the baby is due, and the others will be 8, 6, and 4. I am already gearing towards using their help a bit more than I have been. There are simple things they are learning to cook, etc. that will be a welcome assistance with a newborn in the family!

Another new beginning is that Damaris has started taking piano lessons. Our closest neighbor lady offered to start teaching her what she knows, which is very sweet of her and convenient for us! We just trudge up over the hill. On these snowy days, we don't need to venture down our hill, nor up her even longer one.

It seems like 2010 flew by on swift wings. We have before us an uncharted year. It will be interesting to see what events the grace of God will see us through, what new joys and old hopes are fulfilled in the days ahead. I'm just so glad that mercies are new every morning!

May our days be numbered by the many blessings of being saved on a daily basis, growing into the image of our precious Lord Jesus!

Emmanuel - God with us!

2010-12-18T15:19:00.003-05:00

The stable was the first place God dwelt with us in the flesh, because first things first.

A king was born one silent night,

Not in a castle, but out of sight

In a cobwebby stable that smelled of hay

God ushered in a brand new way.

He came as a babe, for as we all know,

To learn to obey is the way we should go.

He humbled Himself and came as a son

Who went on to be the Obedient One.

He says the humble shall hear

And the humble shall see.

Humble yourselves in the sight of Me.

I'm looking for room, in hearts, don't you see?

Please humble yourselves and dwell with Me.

Let's join Him in the manger...

The manner of His entrance into the world was known and orchestrated. It was not impromptu.

As He stepped into time, He was also conducting the orchestra of His life.

He chose every word and action to perfectly reflect His Father, and ours.

He did not dodge any aspect of difficulty that being a true son of His Father might give rise to. He was a man, in the truest sense of the title. He was also "God with us".

In order to experience His abundant life, we need to follow Him, and be in all points, as He is.

He was born into impossibilities... no room in the inn, a king set to kill him, appearing of not only doubtful, but shameful parentage.

May we surrender the "impossibilities" in our lives and hearts to Him, who is so able to turn dirges into dances, cold dark nights into bright sunny mornings, and all that is meant for evil into astonishing good!

GOD BLESS US, EVERYONE, WITH EARS TO HEAR AND EYES TO SEE.

May we know, in the deepest recesses of our hearts, just WHO our Saviour is.

May we grasp in an ever-deepening way, what "God with us" really means, experiencing it every day of our lives.

Happiest and most Blessed Christmas to each of you!

Corn Maze Fun

2010-11-13T10:19:00.001-05:00

One of Abe's organic hay customers tried something new this year. They did this HUGE corn maze. He gave us free tickets to go thru it. Somehow it didn't seem that exciting and the days kept going by...
Then one Saturday Abe was out hauling hay and he called and said he would be coming by there, and if we wanted to meet him there, we could check it out. So we did.
This picture is the view from up on one of the stairs/bridges they have in the maze.

I must say it was a lot more fun than I expected. The girls really enjoyed it! The air was brisk and fresh. They had a bunch of points where there was a sign with an early American history question, with multiple choice answers. Each answer had a corresponding arrow, giving you a clue of where you should go (that is, if you got the right answer!).
We never got majorly lost, and for another time it might be fun to go in without a map, and see what happens! :)

There was actually three mazes. The kid's one was pretty easy and small. The two others were much more involved. We went thru them all.

They had a bunch of other family fun things to do, mostly involving corn. Cornhole game, and this big slide where you go flying down into a "corn" box (like a sand box). That was a big hit! They had a small train pulling barrel cars for the kids to ride, numerous campfires to sit around, and old-fashioned, cooked in a big cast iron kettle, stew, also hamburgers and hot dogs. They had a teepee set up with a fire pit in the middle that was pretty neat, too.

All in all, it was well worth going, and the girls enthusiastically said they'd want to go again next year.

(Click here to visit their website and see an aerial picture of the maze.)

Come Forth Gold

2010-10-30T13:10:00.000-04:00

There is this grove of trees close to our house. Somehow I have never yet determined what species it is. I sure do enjoy them though!

They are gloriously gold right now. When the sun hits them in the evening, it creates such a glow.

These leaves, I believe, are from a tulip poplar.
When they caught my attention, and I snapped this picture, I did not realize that there were actually two leaves.

When my life is done
This is how I want to fall.
Two, better than one.

More Fall Glory

2010-10-30T12:41:00.000-04:00

Going up our drive...

Almost bare... a few leaves with a tenacious grip...

Home Sweet Home!

Haiku:
Today is your day.
Blaze your heart out, young maple,
It's your time to shine.

Thinning leaves create
Opportunity for sun
Light to penetrate.

Fall Glory

2010-10-30T11:06:00.001-04:00

Here are a few pictures I like, from this month. It has not been the most colorful fall on record, but I find I am enjoying individual trees more. Certain ones stand out, each with a glory all it's own.

October Sunset

2010-10-30T10:55:00.000-04:00

The evening of the 17th, we had the most beautiful sunset! Of course photos do not do it justice...

It changed so rapidly and varied so much from beginning to end.
Pictures taken from one moment to the next, were different. It's like a show going on, and if you look away, you miss part of it.
This show is one of a kind, never to be duplicated exactly the same way.

For some reason, it occured to me to wonder... What do the colors come from?
I can not remember ever hearing (or reading) anything about it.
What is the scientific explanation?

I love WHO colors it for us!

What a lovely way to say goodnight to a day!

No Vision

2010-09-29T14:58:00.003-04:00

The creativity that went into this flower causes me to stop and contemplate...
People who create anything, whether it be a tasty meal or an object of art, usually have a goal in mind. Something they are trying to say, or portray... something that has significance to them, that they wish to communicate to, or share with, those around them.
Creativity comes from somewhere...it cannot be conjurred up.
Behind true creativity, I believe there is vision.

It requires inspiration to capture emotion in painting a picture, etc.
If that is required to put on paper a replica of something that already exists,
how much more inspiration (or) vision, did it take to make the original?
Can you imagine the joy and satisfaction experienced in creating a flower like this?!
To set up the process in which a flower buds and grows to full flower?

I have been thinking lately about this statement:

"WHERE THERE IS NO VISION, THE PEOPLE PERISH."

I see many lives that are evidence that this is a fact.
Some folks live their whole lives like sleep-walkers, just going thru the motions.
No vision.

Then there are those that scorn the sleep-walkers, knowing enough to know that this is no way to live.

Still no vision.

You can fill your days with deciding, most determinedly, just what your life will NOT be about.
Yet still no vision...
Still perishing on the inside...

It's not that hard to decide what you don't believe in.
It's all too easy to curse the darkness.
No vision.

Even trying to "go light your world" somehow doesn't cut it.
Your light is too weak, too feeble to be effectual.
The problem is too big for you.
The darkness is too dark for you.
No vision.

The Creator that created the flower, and us, has vision.
His creations are imbued with life and light.
They effect us, because they are meant to.
There is vision and purpose behind everything.
We are made to have a vision, a purpose, to believe.

What do you believe?
Does your belief give you purpose?
Or does your unbelief darken your vision...

As it seems?

2010-09-13T17:08:00.002-04:00

A few nights ago, I snapped these pictures of the sky. It was a beautiful evening, and these poor pictures in no way capture it.

As I looked at them on the camera screen, I was struck by the thought that if you turn the picture upside down, it looks like you are on top of the clouds, like when you're looking out the window of a jet...

...or
it looks like the ocean.

A song I heard recently came to mind, by Lifehouse.

"Storm"

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I know everything will be alright
I know everything will be alright

There are a lot of wordless thoughts rolling around in my heart. It feels like it's not necessarily my business to tame them into words. I will just say that I trust God that everything will all be made right one day. What feels like an ocean we are drowning under might turn out to be the sky, because after all, things are not always...

AS IT SEEMS.

Lean Not

2010-09-12T17:22:00.002-04:00

We are creatures of habit. I've heard it said that a habit is something we do without thinking. I have a notion that we are just as much creatures of habit in our ways of thinking, as we are in our actions. I'm glad we have the opportunity to rely on Someone whose wisdom is much greater than ours. We can trust the One who formed us in our mother's womb to lead us away from leaning unto our own understanding.
It can be very enlightening to see things from a new, or different, perspective. I pray for open minds and hearts, that we could invite our Creator to renew our minds... and create in us, clean hearts.

The same thing... just from a different angle...

When we start to see something from a different angle, pretty soon it opens up a whole new world.

The possibilities are endless.

I have also noticed, from behind a camera, that it is good to not be afraid to get up close, and personal,
even maybe getting wet or dirty (ie: uncomfortable).
I think the same is true when it comes to viewing our own lives. There is more to be gained, than lost, if we have the courage to do so.
Just some thoughts I had while snapping these pictures...

2010 Fair Fun

2010-09-10T10:21:00.002-04:00

The fair is a much-anticipated event in our household. Sister-in-law Miriam tagged along with us with her two girls. Our girls enjoyed the rides with their cousins. Abi and Amber still really like the little ferris wheel. (Amber in the green shirt facing left and Abi beside her)

All the girls were very pink-cheeked by the end of the day, and I was pretty worn out! Standing in the hot sun, in high humidity has a way of doing that to a person!

Front row seat on the Crazy Bus held (l to r) Chloe, Hadassah, and Lexia.

The Farm Service Agency had some fun things for the kids to do. They made "Soil Sam's", which they are still enjoying. They involve soil and lawn seed in a nylon stocking, decorated with a face. The lawn seed sprouts and becomes "Sam's" hair. The girls now have fun giving regular hair-cuts!

They also had this neat section of culvert painted up on the insude to show what is going on underneath the ground. Not that the girls studied it much, they just like the neat fort it made

Left to right in the front is: Chloe, Lexia, and Abi, with Hadassah and Damaris in the back. I think it's a pretty good snapshot to remember the day by.

I enjoyed the fair too. I love the sense of community that I felt as the long day went by. I saw so many people I know, from so many different walks of life. The best part of the day was looking down on it all from the top of the ferris wheel, and being struck by the way God sees us all, individually, not as a faceless crowd, and with so much compassion in His gaze...

15 Years!

2010-08-25T16:34:00.004-04:00

Fifteen years of yesterdays ago, it was our wedding day... Time has flown by. It is incredible to think of who we were then, and who we are now. I wouldn't change us back... oh, yes, Abe had a bit more hair and I had a few less pounds... :) ... but in the things that matter, we are so much richer. Our feelings for each other have been tested, and have grown.

I like to think back and remember. We sang a song together at our wedding, and while I knew the words to be true then, I never knew it to the extent that I know it now. It goes like this:

"I could never promise you

On just my strength alone,

That all my life I'd care for you

And love you as my own.

I've never known the future,

I only see today.

Words that last a lifetime

Would be more than I could say.

But the love inside my heart today

Is more than mine alone.

It never changes, never fails,

It never seeks it's own.

And by the God who gives it,

Who lives in me and you,

I know the words I speak today

Are words I'm going to do.

So I stand before you now

For all to hear and see

And promise you in Jesus' name

The love He's given me.

And through the years on earth

And as eternity goes by

The life and love He's given us

Are never going to die."

I am so glad that the love of God never fails. I know it to be a sustaining power!

If the next 15 years are anything like the first 15, I will say it has been an amazing ride! The enormity of the volume of growth and change that I know has gone on inside of me is almost shocking for me to think about. And yet in some ways, nothing has changed. What I saw to be true then, what I knew I could depend on, is the same today. As life happens, what was once new and fresh and beautiful gets tested by the fire. It either emerges purified or proven false and better abandoned. On the other side of testing, it is stronger, more durable. A butterfly's wings harden and strengthen after it emerges from it's cocoon, making it ready to fly to places it only dreamed of, as a caterpillar.

Pictureless Catch-Up Post!

2010-08-16T20:21:00.002-04:00

I just noticed that my last post was in May! Help!! This whole summer has just been flying by! I have enjoyed less gardening and canning than last year, and a lot more "people".

Our computer was having some problems...getting slower and slower and then the browser wasn't working and I had so little time to address the problem I was just making do without it.

Thanks to my brother Justin, it is back in working order and we also upgraded our internet access so it is speedier than ever!

We had two young friends spend 2 & 1/2 weeks with us, from Columbus. That was fun! Victor is 14 and Mukami is 12. Mukami was born 6 weeks after Carolie, so having her here was like a taste of what it would be like if she was still with us. It was lovely and I'm grateful to Charity for sharing her children with us. Mukami was a great big sister to our girls. It did my heart good to watch them all together. She is such a sweetheart!

Victor gave the girls a glimpse of what it would be like to have a big brother. He was really good at tolerating all their "girl" play. They like to have wore him out one evening with all the piggy back rides he gave them! He hung out with Abe a lot too, doing the "guy" stuff, like hunting for groundhogs, farmin' and such. He has quite the humor, and kept me in stitches. Nephew Austin and he were quite the pair! They both have the same random funniness when you are least expecting it. The girls liked to tease them and call them "Austina Ballerina" and "Queen Victoria"! :)

Our next-door neighbors have welcomed us to use their outdoor swimming pool all we like, and since this has been the hottest, most humid summer I remember in a while, we have done just that! The girls have made good progress at learning to swim, and we are all a bit more tanned than we usually get.

We had a long-time friend, Lois, visit us from Canada for a few weeks. She split her time between my sisters and Mom and me. We tried to all hang out together as often as possible. Took her to Berlin to do a bit of the tourist thing... visit Heini's Cheese and taste the gazillion kinds of cheese they make... Oh, and let's not forget the fudge!

We also went a couple times to Mohican State Park with picnic food along and just spent hours. It's so beautiful there and the creek/river is warm and fun for all ages. Dropped by Landoll's Mohican Castle so she could see what she remembers hearing us talk about years ago... Memorable times!

Harvey (Abe's brother married to my sis Monica) put out a small field of produce this year. Since I have basically no garden this summer, I have hoed a little corn and pulled some weeds, and lately, picked watermelon and tomatoes, over there. Whoooeeee! There's a lot of tomatoes! I have been putting up some in various ways. I did some with green chilis to use in Mexican type dishes. I have some I need to work up tomorrow into spaghetti sauce. I have a bunch of yummy ingredients to work with and I feel a little like Remy in "Ratatouille"! I have no recipe I love, so I plan on winging it. I love how that kind of stuff makes the house smell!

Harvey and Monica went on a trip to Idaho to a family reunion. They will be gone a week. We entertained the thought of going, but ended up feeling like it wasn't the time for us. Maybe next time. While Harv's are gone, Mom and I are keeping an eye on the produce and of course the sweet corn was ready today. What was estimated to be about 10 dozen ears that should be ready, turned out to be more like 30 dozen! Many hands make work light, though! Between Mom and I and another friend, Christa, and my girls helping with the husking, and it is all in the freezer! We did what Monica needed, 10 pkgs. for me and also some for a neighbor. I still am persuaded that "Incredible" is the best sweet corn out there!!! New kinds keep coming along, but Incredible is my absolute favorite!!! (Needless to say, we ordered pizza for supper!)

This week is the fair! The girls are all excited about the prospect of helping tomorrow evening to dip and sell ice cream cones for The Dairy Boosters. Chloe and Abi were distressed about not being able to help, so Hadassah came up with the idea they could take their children's ice cream maker along to Grandma's and they could pretend to make and sell ice cream and Grandma could be their customer. What they don't know, is that Grandma is going to make some homemade ice cream and help their fun along a little bit! :)

Wednesday is the day they have a good deal on unlimited rides for kids, so we'll plan on pretty much spending the day there. If it is like it usually is, it should be incredibly hot! I remember the days when you have a baby in the baby carrier and the sun was so hot, you feel like your brains are surely about to the boiling point! :( Since my "baby" is rapidly heading towards 4 , it is much easier now! Today the weather was absolutely balmy... humidity way down and a cool breeze. Doing all that corn in the garage was so much more pleasant because of it!

Well, Abe went to the tractor pull at the fair tonight, which is why I'm on here. Kind of a guy thing, he says... but really he loves the fair 'cause he hangs out with the farmers in the beef barn, and checks out exactly how fat and prime the steers are (and how his measure up, or not), then with the farmers in the dairy barn, and with the neighbors in the pig, or sheep, or turkey, or whatever place. Then through the course of the evening, and successive evenings, he bumps into everyone in the county that he hasn't seen in a long time. (Probably since last year's fair!) A fair truly is a melting pot!

Anyway's, I am going to close this hoping you all have been enjoying your summers equally as much as I have! We just "have this moment to hold in our hands, and to touch as it slips through our fingers like sand"! I am really feelin' the sand thing for sure! Savor it all!

Goodnight all! - Janelle

Under the Gray & Behind the Black

2010-05-24T19:09:00.001-04:00

When the fog burns off

You'll see what was always there

Hidden by the gray.

I have been thinking about this... Often times we settle for living our lives with lots of gray areas, kind of like ostriches burying our heads in the sand. We are afraid to acknowledge things because we will then have to do something about it. All along we are just fooling ourselves. It is what it is, and not acknowledging it does not make it go away. When we bring it to the light, the gray burns off just like fog. The surprising thing is how much better we feel and how much beauty there is, hidden in ashes.

I have no picture to post with this haiku. I was driving when I noticed this...

Lightning reveals that
Behind the black of darkness
The sky is still blue.

It is a most comforting thought. Take heart! The sun always burns off the fog, and morning always comes.

Dandelions & "Someone Else"

2010-05-10T13:24:00.003-04:00

"Someone else!" her heart did cry.
"This should not be mine to bear.
The ridicule, the scorn, indifference,
Responsibility and blame,
Should be someone else's game."

She longs for someone else
To bear the brunt, remove the scrutiny.
"Why should I be singled out?"

("Someone else!" He must have cried. "Remove this cup from me!")

Someone else, to step up to the plate.
"Someone else" will seal your fate.
Life will pass you while you wait
For someone else.

"From the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Not someone else."

(He still looks for someone else, with whom to share His life.)

Someone else! I know this cry.
I've heard it in my heart.
Surely there is someone else
Who's not afraid to die!

Some One else - He steps right up.
"I'll be the first.
I'll be the way.
I am the Truth and Life.
I'll be your "Some One Else"."

Let me be like a dandelion that is blown by the wind, wherever it listeth. Soft, and susceptible to the tiniest puff of Your breath.

May Apples & Cherry Trees

2010-05-10T12:09:00.002-04:00

He speaks in so many ways. I am learning to listen and see.

May apple, under
Your umbrella, hide away,
Content He sees you.

Cherry filigree,
leaves uncounted shiv'ring praise,
You live out your days.

Trunk, branches, and twigs,
Life-sap running in your veins
Upholds and sustains.

Dogwood Fascination

2010-05-10T10:23:00.004-04:00

When we first moved onto our property, there was this puny little dogwood tree right behind our mobile home. It did not get it's fair share of sun, being towered over by much grander relations. Abe didn't think it was going to survive. It had no strength to produce flowers.
Over time, with the removal of other trees and more sun for it's nourishment, it gradually came into it's own. I feel like I have been privileged to watch it's journey and hopefully share in the growth. The birds love it. It is typically loaded with blooms. They start out quite small and green, fading to yellow, then white. As they grow they increase in size and whiteness. The blossoms eventually produce red berries that the birds love.
One year on my birthday, Abe got me a huge wind chime. I had been wanting one, but had no clue where to hang one. The best part of the gift was that he hung it in the dogwood...
What was once hardly noticeable, in our back yard, is now gloriously evident in our front yard. I think it's typical of God.

If I were a bird
I would choose your canopy
To find rest under.

If I were a bee
I would choose your sweet blossoms
To sip nectar from.

Since I am myself
I will simply enjoy you,
Revel in Your gift.

Spring Pleasures = Haiku

2010-04-26T11:16:00.001-04:00

Days like we are having, loaded with spring's unique bounty, are awe-inspiring.
Haiku material, for sure!

White catches the light
On a rain darkened morning.
Dogwood blossom shine.

Still, your quality.
Gentle nourishment falling,
Drowning seeds to life.

The girls spent a couple days mothering a wild baby bunny. Such a precious little creature... I never saw it close it's eyes. Damaris said she saw it blink once.

Some bunny loves some bunny...

I love the expression in the hands... a picture really is worth a thousand words!

I love morning. Since living in our house, where we have big windows up at tree level, I have been made aware of the life in the trees I have been living sheltered under, all this time.

Every morning You
Practice the art of stillness.
Leaves are evidence.

You start with quiet.
Orchestrated crescendo
Is the day You make.

Bird in flight, cheerful
Example of freedom's yoke,
Shout your song to me.

I give you freedom.
'Tis a weighty thing to give,
Paid with blood, sweat, tears.

Ocean Motion & Working From The Right Premise

2010-04-08T08:10:00.004-04:00

Well... by these pictures one might assume that we made it to the ocean on our recent trip.

You would be correct.

You would be "working from the right premise".

premise: a basis, stated or assumed, on which reasoning proceeds

:to set forth beforehand, as by way of introduction or explanation

The other day I was listening to a song by Rich Mullins. It is one I have always liked. It was interesting to me to note the way I felt differently about it, than I remember I used to...

The song goes:

"You who live in heaven, hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth,

Who are afraid of being left by those we love and who get hardened by the hurt.

Do you remember when You lived down here where we all scrape

To find the faith to ask for daily bread?

Did You forget about us after You had flown away?

Well, I memorized every word You said, still I'm so scared I'm holdin' my breath

While You're up there just playin' hard to get.

You who live in radiance, hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin.

We have a love that's not as patient as Yours was, still we do love now and then.

Did You ever know loneliness? Did You ever know need?

Do You remember just how long a night can get?

When You are barely holdin' on and Your friends fall asleep, and don't see the blood that's runnin' in Your sweat...

Will those who mourn be left uncomforted?...while You're up there just playin' hard to get.

I know You bore our sorrows, and I know You feel our pain.

And I know it would not hurt any less even if it could be explained.

And I know that I am only lashing out at the One who loves me most

And after I have figured this, somehow, all I really need to know...

Is if You who live in eternity hear the prayers of those of us who live in time?

We can't see what's ahead and we cannot get free of what we've left behind.

I'm reelin' from the voices that keep screaming in my ears.

All the words of shame and doubt, blame and regret.

I can't see how You're leading me unless You've led me here

To be lost enough to let myself be led.

And so You've been here all along, I guess...

It's just Your ways and You, are just plain hard to get."

Hearing this song again took me back to whenever I last listened to it. I remember feeling so familiar with the feelings it expresses...

But not so much anymore... He doesn't feel so hard to get... which set me to thinking and wondering... what's changed?

That's when the phrase "working from the wrong (or) right premise" crept into my mind.

Which stirred the question... "What is the "right" premise?

I mulled it over a bit... love? God is love. The 2 greatest commandments... Everything works together for the good... His thoughts towards us are good...

Lots of thoughts flickered in and out.

Suddenly, clearly, I had my answer...

"I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it MORE ABUNDANTLY!"

This is the premise, from which all our wonderings and reasonings should proceed. This is the end He is working toward. If we can believe this, His ways are no longer so hard to get.

This premise is His promise to us.

Choose life!

The Power of the Period

2010-04-05T16:51:00.000-04:00

For some reason lately, I have been noticing that when I am writing something, anything, I seem to be choosing to use a period where once I would have used an exclamation mark.
One might think that maybe it's because I'm growing old and dull, but I really don't feel that way...
Rather, it feels like I am getting more of a foundation under what I think and feel. I feel more comfortable with stating something. It might be that I am learning some things with my heart, that I have believed with my mind for a long time.
I really do enjoy words. They are like puzzle pieces, to take up and consider and ponder, before one decides which one fits the best... which one is the best vehicle to carry the thought, that I am struggling to capture adequately in words. It's funny to think how once a puzzle is put together, it's not a "puzzle" any more. :) A word fitly spoken, to me is a thing of beauty.
Punctuation has always seemed pretty basic to me, just a necessity. I am coming to appreciate the power of the period.
I recently read a quote (by F. F. Bruce) that really stuck with me.

"God's peace is joy resting.

His joy is peace dancing."

An exclamation mark is what we would expect to use to transmit our joy, excitement, or happiness.

As I am learning what "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty" means, I am finding that that liberty is very close kin with the true Sabbath rest. True joy and peace, which seem like opposites, are in fact not. They are bound up in each other. So is the justice that God loves and His tender mercy. The one does not drain the other, it only adds to.

Using a period does not deny the joy, in a statement. It sometimes takes it deeper. It puts an "I mean it" to the statement.

I am intrigued to see what all of God's "periods" say to me, as I begin to take note of them. Where they might take me in my journey.

Journeying

2010-04-03T22:18:00.005-04:00

When I was 10 years old, my Grandma gave us each journals for Christmas. I remember she was quite pleased that she had come up with a title for each one's book, and an accompanying verse. She felt like God had helped her with it.

As you can see, mine was titled "Janelle's Journey" and the verse was Numbers 10:29.
She told us we should write in it about the important things in our lives...
I have written some in mine, but I am thinking at this point, for me, the journal gift is more about God's words to me, than about what I might put in it's pages. What He puts in the pages of my life, my "journey", far out-weighs what I could ever jot down on these pages. (Same thing goes for this blog!)

At the age of 10, I had no clue as to what this verse meant. I thought it was clever of Grandma to come up with "Janelle's Journey, Path's Of Paula, etc.
So far this book only holds my account, written to Abe, of how God brought me to the place of being certain that he was the one for me to marry. At some point, while writing in it, it seemed very uncertain that our marriage would come about, due to the testings that were coming against our relationship. It was the first time in my life that I encountered the perplexing dichotomy, that most of Christian life is about. Namely, having faith, and having all on the altar at the same time. God is so faithful to continue perplexing us, to get us intrigued enough to inquire into things, to begin seeking. What is this impossible position we are called to live in? Believing... and yet not leaning to our own understanding...
When our wedding plans were in the making, I had a strong feeling that there was a verse that God would have be "our" verse, that we would use on our invitations. I have no memory of how I landed on this one, I just remember it felt right to me, and Abe felt the same way.

Psalm 37:5

I know this post is not the continued story of our recent trip... actually it is the prologue.

Key words being "journey" and "it"...

I'll never forget, at a real crossroads time in my life, how the Lord spoke to me through a book I was reading. Here is what I heard:
(The setting was the wedding in Cana and Mary instructing the servants...)

""Whatever He says to you, that do." No more, and no less.
Mine is the doing, when He says the word.
HIS, is the bringing to pass."

I will always remember how I felt when suddenly I recalled our wedding invitation verse.
This whole thought and way of living has been revolutionary for me. It has changed my outlook on almost everything, especially what being a Christian is about.

At another time, during another crisis, I was driving along with my girls and an Annie Herring CD was playing...

"It is the journey that we walk in, that makes us more like us, or more like Him."

What I walk in, that's what decides who I become like. It does not matter how anyone else is walking, or what they are choosing. It is a very empowering feeling to really get it, that no one stands between me and God. No one has the power (or authority) to bar the way. I am not stuck because of anyone else's choices. Saying yes to God in my own heart WILL make me more like Him.
At some point, I remembered the journal from Grandma, stuck away in my trunk.

I am blown away by it all.

I am learning... that it's not the destination that makes the journey worthwhile. Michael Card sings, "There is a joy in the journey. There's a light we can love on the way. There is a wonder and wildness to life, and freedom for those who obey"
As the journey becomes a thing of wonder and joy to me, the destination dims, only to discover that God delights in destining us. The "it's" along the way surpass our unnamed hopes. It is truly the Father's GOOD pleasure to give us the kingdom. Since He knows us better than we know ourselves, in fact formed us, is it any wonder that He can give us what we never even knew we needed?
I am in the midst of discovering that God is too big for me. I was made in His image. He was not made in mine. He is too lavish for my liking. I wonder if the problem is, such lavishness calls forth an adequate response.
I am glad we are called to walk humbly with Him. There isn't any other way.

This arrangement if full of tokens that remind me of God's faithfulness and His intimate knowlege of me... of how He can take a journey, that feels like pilgrim's progress, and turn it into a vacation.

Our Journey

2010-03-26T14:08:00.007-04:00

Somehow it seems like the day has been going by and I haven't found the time to post what I'd like to on here. So I decided to just start with a few pictures. Sometimes it seems like so much content is crammed into so little time, it feels like quite a task to recap it. It makes me realize how efficient God is, and how inter-connected and amazing His plans for us are.
We had been feeling for a while that it was time to do a little traveling, visiting friends and family and also maybe take the girls to the ocean... somewhere. We thought maybe in February, but it came and went with lots of snow, and colder temps. than normal in the southern regions. Finally Abe said (on March 5), "How about we head out March 11?"
I felt a bit of pressure... being in the middle of an unusual sewing spree... I wanted to finish the dresses I had started, to take along, sort everyone's clothes, leave the house spic and span, clean the van, clean the garage, lose at least ten pounds, think of thoughtful gifts for the ones we were visiting, and in general, feel on top of it all, organized and successful.
Somehow I knew I had to let go... it wasn't going to happen that way... and that I needed to be OK with feeling UNDONE.
By the way, I've never liked Florida that much, dreaded the thought of such a long drive, didn't feel it was essential to my happiness to go, etc. Are you getting the picture here? I was pretty sure that this trip was going to be a "journey", one where God was going to delve into my heart in a deeper way and hopefully rid me of some more of my own ways, that surely aren't as lovely as His.
Well, we packed up, armed ourselves with munchies for the road, the van halfway clean, but OK. The house was left in normal mode, which means some rooms were vacuumed, floors not washed, island countertop not cleared off, bed made with clean sheets, not ideal, but also do-able. We had a lovely drive to Mt. Crawford, Virginia. Found out having a GPS added some fun to the travel, checking our elevation etc. We ended up going a shorter, car-sick potential kind of road and it was so worth it!!! Breathtaking scenery even in in this dull winter time mode we are in. No one hurled and we arrived at our friends in good time.
We enjoyed seeing where they live. They used to live here in Ohio and moved away almost 3 years ago. Our children have grown up together and are all pals.
Left to right in this picture is:
Wynonah & Damaris (9), Brianna & Chloe(5), Shawn (reading), Patrick (3) on his lap, Robert & Hadassah (7)

The girls all slept in one room, no problems. We parents stayed up, visiting. The next day, after being well fed twice, we headed out for North Carolina, where Abe's family lives. Somehow we get home and I find out I didn't get any pictures taken while we were there, which is typical for me.
Abe's Dad was actually on a job in PA, so we missed seeing him. Of course, his mom and sisters fed us well, gave us their beds, and made us welcome. We were there from Friday evening till Monday morning.
I have to get supper going and want to get some bread started yet, so I need to wait till next time to continue with details...

White Nights & Haiku

2010-03-02T09:48:00.002-05:00

I was recently introduced to haiku. I find myself charmed. The dictionary definition reads like this: (hi' koo) a Japanese poem or verse form, consisting of 17 syllables divided into 3 lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables, often about nature or a season.
I love words... how so much can be meant or understood or felt in a single word, and yet also how sometimes words are such inadequate means of conveying what you feel...
Sometimes a word feels so powerful, to use too many feels like it would detract. Less is more. Other times it seems like there are not enough words to express the magnitude! Hense the charm of the haiku.
The snow we have been getting this winter has been affecting me. It has stirred all kinds of thought and feeling. It feels a bit strange considering I grew up where snow was the norm in winter. I am left to conclude that it is where I am inside that is making the difference. I think my eyes are more open than they used to be, maybe my ears too.
So... here are a few haiku of my own...

Snow inspires, moves me
Another time, pace, embrace
Always rewires me

White night of snow light
Moon hides but snow refracts
Soft glow defeats dark

Make me white as snow
So I may reflect the light
You shine upon me

Utter darkness fails
To consume the night made light
By pure driven snow

Family Fun in the Snow

2010-02-13T15:56:00.001-05:00

With the unusual amount of snow we have gotten so far this winter has come the opportunity of making use of it...
Abe piled a big pile of it with the tractor bucket and then he and Damaris proceeded to make an igloo, of sorts. It has two entrances. The room Abe dug out is quite big. Here are the girls, inside.

I so enjoy watching them all playing together... also like the guy in the cool shades...! :)

Abe got the girls to try riding the scoop shovel down the path. If you double click on the picture and enlarge it, you will see the expression on Chloe's face!

Oh yes... I crawled in there too. It's big enough inside that I could lay down full length in either direction. Can't say I'd actually want to live in one, though! A bit on the chilly side!
Who knows how many years it might be before we get this much snow again?

I intend to enjoy it while it lasts!

Then and Now

2010-02-13T15:07:00.002-05:00

I love this picture I snapped in a hurry, not really even seeing how deep blue the sky was at the time, more focused on the snow in the trees. I guess that's a little how all of life is... While we are intent on one aspect, we may be later surprised that there was much more, waiting to be noticed, and understood.

The other day I was remembering the fact that it was Feb. 13, 1995 that Abe wrote a letter to my Dad, about me. Fifteen years ago today! So I dug it out and reread it, also the letter my Dad wrote back to him in response. After 15 years, it is interesting to "hear" what my Dad's wish for us, in marriage, was. Here are some excerpts...
"We would only know to point you to the oneness between God the Father, and God the Son. We desire for you peace in marriage, not strife. This lasting peace is from and of God.
If two people have truly laid down their will to take hold of the will of God and His will dwells in them, there must needs be peace according to all truth. All dissention or strife is a result of individuals instisting on their own fleshly ambitions interpreted in lifes many colored experiences.
We wish all men everywhere, ourselves first, the blessed divine will of God that peace could flow like the rivers, and grace abundant and boundless as the seas."

This picture was taken by an obliging by-stander on our honeymoon...

I do believe my sister Monica took this one, on one day in our honeymoon that we shared with family, going boating...

I am so blessed... such good memories, such a rich heritage from my parents wished to me and the man of my and God's choice, for me. I am grateful.
Just to tell a little bit more... the letter also said this... "Carol and I want the very best for her in the Lord and feel responsible to help her in any way and all ways that we can, however we also see that our children also need the freedom to exercise the will of God as they see it.
We have been aware of a mutual interest between the two of you for some time. I don't know of anyone else I'd rather have as her husband, however that choice is ultimately hers."

Years ago, I did a counted cross stitch plaque for my grandparents that was of a man and a womam and it simply said...
"GOD GAVE ME THEE"
I have never been one to make a lot of requests to God. I didn't ask God about a husband or have a list of requirements as to what "he" would be like. I don't remember asking for children, or a house, etc. Somehow I have always felt that God knows better than I what I need, what will be meaningful... that He has a plan figured out for me, and I can rest in that, not having to figure it all out for myself. I think He's done a pretty good job of proving Himself faithful!
There is much in my life that I can look back on, and say "God gave me thee."
Today... I see it all around me.
Tomorrow, I trust, even more of His faithfulness will make Him and His love even more evident to me.

Jesus, true valentine of my heart, You have seen fit to give me so much!
I so gratefully accept the "valentine's" You have given me...
Abe, a man I can grow with and who loves me as I am...
Carolie... the valentine we gave back when asked...
Damaris... Hadassah...Chloe...Abigail...
Daughters of my heart, each one uniquely purposed by You to bless us in myriad ways.

Happy Valentine's Day!
"I love You because You first loved me."
(1 John 4:19)

Snow From Heaven

2010-02-10T09:40:00.002-05:00

Isaiah 55:10

"For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven..."

I love how it traces every twig...

"Stopping by woods on a snowy evening..."

Out from under the pine tree... a place of refuge... maybe one of the many shapes the "wings of God" take...?

My little neighbor from the springtime long ago abandoned her home.

We have more snow right now than we have had for quite a few years. So white, so clean, covering so much... It makes me think of love, covering a multitude of sins.

Our yard has a lot of work to be done. There is still a cement mixer out front, a pile of sand, a couple bins of discarded stones, weedy piles of topsoil... it is still a work in progress. The snow covers it all so beautifully!

Is that like me?

"She is not afraid of the snow, for all her household is clothed with scarlet." Proverbs 31:21

Is being covered by His blood what makes me clothed with scarlet?

I have been reading the different references to snow in the Bible, and I cannot say that I have it figured out. All I know is I have a feeling of affinity growing, a sense of God saying something through it. Even if my mind is not grasping it, it feels like my heart "gets" it.

May the "work in progress" that is "me" be as sufficiently and beautifully covered as our unsightly yard!

This verse has been precious to me lately... "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power MAY BE OF GOD and NOT OF US!" (2 Cor. 4:7) He did it this way on purpose!

More Snow

2010-02-06T15:27:00.003-05:00

Rosehips from the mulitflora rose bushes that grow everywhere around here. The bane of every farmer, but a haven for the birds. They sure have a sweet smell when they bloom and the tiny red hips are beautiful, edible as well...

Along our drive there is a wealth of wild blackberry canes and multiflora rose bushes. To date, the berries they yield and the beauty they provide here, persuade me to not mow them down in favor of the neat, trimmed look.

What say you?

List of "LOVES"

2010-02-04T20:54:00.009-05:00

January has come and gone in such a hurry! It's hard to believe we are already into the second month of the year.

February... probably best known for the holiday in it... Valentine's Day!

I have been thinking about the "loves" in my life, both large and small. Sort of another way of "counting my blessings", I guess... so I'm starting a list (not in order of importance).

I LOVE...

feeling known by God in intensely personal ways...

the smell of Lily of the Valley blossoms...

Abe, of course...

the way God brought us together and also the way He has kept us together...

Hadassah with her chocolate eyes and her creativity...

Damaris and the way she cradles my hand to her heart when I pray with her at bedtime...

my Dad and all he has given me...

watching seeds sprout...

the memory of Abe's first most original, non-traditional gift to me... a fingernail brush!

to smell my hair! :)

the special dogwood tree in our yard...

Chloe and her 100 watt smile...

Abi and the way she says "axlydent" for "accidentally"...

Abe's gift to me of a huge wind chime hung in the dogwood tree...

chocolate covered raisins...

our "marble" walk-in shower...

my freshly plumped feather pillow...

the colors green and blue and any variation of the two...

my sister Monica and all we share together, from conniptions - to in-laws, - to passion for loving the truth and being who God made us to be...

books that make me laugh and cry and also that strike a chord in my own heart experience...

the way my brother Dalen enjoys my girls, being daddy to two of his own...

canning jars full of good food on my cellar shelves...

that there is so much to be discovered yet, about God and this world He's put us in...

the smell of fresh roasted ground cornmeal...

Abe's love for our girls and the way he plays with them...

zest...both lemon, and for life...

secondhand shopping... otherwise known as treasure hunting...

hot chai...

my friend Charity's example to me of loving God and having an open heart, trusting Him with her life!

spending the day checking our vending machines with my Mom, the talking...and sharing a Heath Mocha Frap...

that the ways of God are "past finding out"...

words fitly spoken...

our home and all the miraculous details that God worked in building it to it's present state...

my sister Paula and all she adds to my life by daring to follow where God leads her...

neighbors/friends... both past and present... whose lives have contributed to mine in countless ways that make me treasure them all the more...

my niece LaCaysha and her cheerful help when I need her and, of course, dueling it out with her at the ping pong table...

memories! Of people, places, and things we've done with them, in them!

our local library. :)

the tender mercy of God!

Carolie, every memory of her and the anticipation of seeing her again...

my dictionary, a gift from my favorite grade school teacher...

my brother Justin who will somehow always be my little bunny, as hard as that might be to imagine...:)

words, poor vehicles though they be sometimes, to convey meaning...

knowing that God has a plan, that if we only knew the extent of it, it would take our breath away...

my nieces and nephews, big and small, and how each one contributes to our family just by being themselves... especially Little LuLu as the baby!...

that we have no say in the date of our birth or death, but that we are given the choice of how we spend each one in between...

that by starting this list, I am amazed to realize the sheer volume of the goodness of God to me!

Winter Wonders

2010-01-26T12:52:00.002-05:00

TIME... it has a way of slipping by, and yet sometimes we go through things where we feel "stuck" in time... I have been thinking quite a bit about "time" recently. One of Michael Card's songs has a line..."who belong to eternity, stranded in time". This is not our home. We are only "stranded" here for a time, like being marrooned on a desert island. Our survival is not entirely up to us, but our will to "LIVE" has a profound effect on the quality of our "time" here. I have been savoring a song these days by Annie Herring called "Just One Thing". It says this:
"Just one thing, all I need... Put Your arms around me.
Draw me close to Your side till our hearts are one in stride...
STOPPING TIME in it's place, as I hide in Your embrace."
His love is timeless, as He is.
Obviously time has been going by without me posting anything on here. It is not because of lack of anything worth writing about, but rather because of too much.
I just read something that helps explain a little... "Ones destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things." - Henry Miller
I find that my journey is filled with continually finding new ways of looking at things, therefore, new views of who God is. There is a lot of joy in the journey, some growing pains as well. But it is oh, so worth it! It is most difficult to condense into words, this oftentimes wordless something that happens in the heart. I also keep being impressed with the idea that my journey is my own, and not essential to yours. God has His building blocks in place in your life as well as mine, otherwise He would not be Just, and He loves justice! He is intensely and personally interested in you and I. I feel an ever increasing need to decrease, that He might increase.
I have taken basicly no pictures in the last while. I have been seeing and savoring. I encourage you to do the same. You have no need of seeing through my eyes, just open your own to all that God is surrounding you with.

Lazy snowflakes, sifting down,
Landing soft upon the ground,
Is there something you would say
To my heart this winter day?

"I would ask you, Do you know
Who it is that loves you so?
That creates in quantity
Such delights for you to see?

All in intricate detail
Each of us unique will fail
To transmit to you the love
He pours out from up above.

So much grander than you know,
Much more bounteous than the snow,
Is His care and sweet regard
Swept out deep from Heaven's yard."

Pretty snowflake, you present
A sweet message, heaven-sent.
Lovely snowflake, ne'er will I
Miss your whispered lullabye.

May each of your days be filled with wonder!

A Little of This and That...

2009-11-18T17:49:00.000-05:00

The other day, I was getting out a cookbook and in that moment, I realized something. The cupboard where my cookbooks are kept is right above the countertop where I usually lay it open. It's to the left of my stove and no bigger than my cookbook, laid open. It is handy, about one step from where I mix things up, but out of the way of splatters, etc. It just "sunk in" how nice that is, and how much I like it. It never occurred to me before.
Next thing I knew, I was wondering how many other simple things there are, like that, that I enjoy without stopping to really savor. Daily, ordinary things, that due to their regularity, I do without thinking... So...I started thinking it over.
I love the smell when I roast corn and grind it. Especially this time of year when it's fresh from the earth...

I love the feel of my teeth, freshly brushed or after you've just eaten an apple...
Of course, clean crisp sheets are delicious to a tired body at the end of a full day!
A hot shower (especially in our huge walk-in-shower)...
I love evening lighting...

I love to eavesdrop on my girls... usually entertaining and sometimes quite informative! :)
Watching my girls savor... (def.: to give oneself to the enjoyment of; to savor the best in life)
Children do a lot of savoring!

There are lots of "littles" that come to mind, and once you are aware, it's like your whole day is stitched together with pleasure...
"We have this moment, to hold in our hands, and to touch, as it slips thru' our fingers like sand..."
Or like water under a bridge.
I want to at least savor the feel, scent and look of it all! No day is ever exactly the same.

I'm so glad of what is sure...
His mercies are new every morning!
Blessed be the Lord, who daily loads us with benefits!

Harvest Time!

2009-11-09T11:10:00.000-05:00

The corn is finally ready to harvest, if a bit on the damp side yet.The girls like to have a turn at riding in the combine...

...but the real fun is playing in the corn!!!

When I was a kid, my Dad raised wheat and we played in truckloads of wheat. Did you know if you chew a handful of wheat, it makes wheat gum? Anyway, these girls of ours think this is great fun! I'm so glad they get to do it... it's the closest thing to my memories of playing in wheat..

Interesting fact that I didn't learn till this year:
You know the corn silk on an ear of corn? Each silk is like an umbilical cord for a kernel of corn. If "a" silk does not get pollinated it does not make a kernel. That's why sometimes there are what looks to me like "missing teeth" (kernels) on some ears of corn! Isn't that amazing! It's hard to believe all the perfect ears when you think of it that way... (the pollen comes from the tassels on top). I am in awe!

Stirred Thoughts...

2009-10-23T17:03:00.002-04:00

Getting on Facebook and finding old friends and aquaintances has got me thinking. I wonder how we would feel to get together, would it be awkward. On Facebook you can keep your distance pretty easily. Do we really have much in common... or have we become different enough that we really would have no interest in renewing acquaintance. If we lived next door, or even in the same area, would we be "close"? Sometimes distance helps us preserve a lie. We can hope or pretend we have the same goals, and share a closeness that is based primarily on history. What if that "history" was less than we wish it was?
Being real honest, I guess the feeling that rises in my heart is, "Would I fit in?"
Since that is a question I don’t really have an answer for, my line of thought headed in a different direction...
Where did Jesus fit in?
The "church " of his day plotted to destroy him. He ate and drank with "sinners". Was he careful of the company he kept? He was too liberal for the "conservatives", surely! They wondered why he did "what is not lawful"... He shamed them with his purity, but gave them lots to find fault with.
But He was also too conservative for the "liberals"! He asked for more than the law did! Second mile... love your enemies... your cloak also...etc.
He was discredited by his own people, those who should have known him best. They said he was "out of his mind". Educated folk thought he was possessed.
Those who affirmed him did not rank very high. Crude fishermen, yes, lepers, thieves, and even those who were responsible to carry out his death said, "Truly this Man was the Son of God!"
Where did He fit in?...
But even more crucial... today... where does He fit in?
That’s the question I want to concern myself with.

Prism Living

2009-10-07T21:57:00.002-04:00

prism (priz’em) n.1. Optics. a transparent solid body, often having triangular bases, used for dispersing light into a spectrum or for reflecting rays of light. Etc.
Th dictionary definition of prism is prosaic, at best. It does not in any way capture the simple delight of vivid rainbows landing on you, or spinning wildly around the room.
I have one hanging in my kitchen window. It has been working it’s magic on me...
I have loved prisms ever since I first knew what they were. Some years ago on my birthday, my sister-in-law gave me a couple. (Thanks again, Mandy!) I’ve had them hanging in the windows ever since, and have been learning some things from them.
Prisms need direct sun shining on them for their true beauty to be seen. They don’t look any different, one way or the other, but the difference in effect is startling! It takes strong sun shining through them to reveal their true purpose.
They are truly "receivers", and "achieve" absolutely nothing. They are "being", not "doing". The more facets they have cut on them, the bigger and more glorious the rainbows that come from them. They do not strive for attention, quietly unassuming, they simply transmit the sun to us in colored form. They have no color of their own...
God, make me like a prism.

Fall is in the air!

2009-09-24T15:59:00.003-04:00

It seems that summer is over... fall is here. I can smell it! Today the house is smelling like concord grape juice, a distinct smell, spicy, all it's own, hardly to be described. A friend has a vineyard and last night Abe and the girls brought home a bushel. I have 10 quarts of pure juice cooling on the counter. I was doing pears before that... Somewhere between peaches and pears, summer leaves and fall arrives. Abe said today that he is hungry for chili, a decidedly fall/winter food in my books!
Another tell tale sign is I am finding acorns around the house. No, we don't have a squirrel problem, it's just we have these "squirrely" girls! This summer it was rocks and "fossils". There is one, or a pile, somewhere in almost every room in the house! Now it's acorns... but I love them. The only place we used to find them when I was a kid was in the yard at Grandpa Amoth's house. I pick them up too, but it seems the squirrels are no dummies! They beat you to the nice fat ones!
Abe is in a lull on the farming scene right now... hay is finally D.O.N.E. for the year! Corn harvest is coming... in the meantime this week he is working on putting stones on the house. We are on the "home" stretch now!
We had one short-lived round of minor colds recently, which got me thinking about how to boost the immune systems for the coming season. We do not want a repeat of last year! One thing led to another and I am on the trail of making my own elderberry extract/syrup. Anyone have any suggestions?
I am looking forward to the lazier days of winter. Long evenings... No weeding, picking, snapping, boiling, stirring, cutting, etc. More reading, writing, drinking chai, possibly sewing, etc. Aren't you glad life has it's seasons?! I am. And they rotate frequently enough that you can always look forward to the next one. So much more variety that way! I can't imagine eternal spring, for example. No fall colors would be a deprivation!
The girls had a song playing last night that says, "God is all around us, and He knows best." I have to agree! ( They had a bit of a problem, one loves to go to sleep listening to music, and one loves the quiet. We worked it out that it is quiet one night and music the next. I like that they love music, but I like them to also not be afraid of silence. To many of us run away from things by being always busy or noisy.)
I think I'd better get off here... I will close with this quote I am enjoying recently by a sometimes profound "bear", Winnie the Pooh!
"Never underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and NOT BOTHERING. (Emphasis mine.)

His house - whose house we are...

2009-09-05T21:05:00.004-04:00

Too eager I must not be to understand.
How should the work the Master goes about
Fit the vague sketch my compasses have planned?
I am His house - for Him to go in and out.
He builds me now - and if I cannot see
At any time what He is doing with me,
"Tis that He makes the house for me too grand.

The house is not for me - it is for Him.
His royal thoughts require many a stair,
Many a tower, many an outlook fair,
Of which I have no thought, and need no care.
Where I am most perplexed, it may be there
Thou mak'st a secret chamber, holy-dim,
Where Thou wilt come to help my deepest prayer.
-"Diary of an Old Soul" by George MacDonald

Summer is always a time of busy-ness. This one has been no different. It has been full, and rewarding. It seems God is equally busy... I feel like it has been a seasons of steady "building". Somehow, I have not had the words, or the direction to share them, on this blog. Maybe because, I am not important, or unique. God is building each of us, growing us each night and day, we know not how.
I am looking forward to this winter, when we can enjoy the fruit of our labors. I have a notion that God might feel the same way. He looks forward to enjoying the fruit of His work in us.

"O Christ , my life, possess me utterly.
Take me and make a little Christ of me.
If I am anything but my Father's son,
'Tis something not yet from the darkness won.
Oh, give me light to live with open eyes.
Oh, give me life to hope above all skies.
Give me thy spirit to haunt the Father with my cries."
-George MacDonald

You've Won My Heart!

2009-08-11T21:54:00.002-04:00

At the foot of the cross where grace and suffering meet
You have shown me Your love through the judgement You received
And You’ve won my heart, yes, You’ve won my heart!
Now I can trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down.
This is not the first time I have quoted this song, and it probably won’t be the last time either. The line that is on my heart since yesterday is: "You’ve won my heart..."
I got thinking about it... Is my day to day walk, my experience, my life, going in such a way that my heart is being won more and more to my Savior? Is He "sweeter and sweeter as the days go by"? Is this journey that I’m on leading me closer to Him? Do I stand increasingly more in awe of Him?
If this is not so, then I think we are not actually growing up in the measure of the stature of the fullness of God. We may grow in knowledge of and about Him, also grow in virtue, without growing in Him. Are we feeding on "life" and experiencing it more abundantly? Are we struggling to discipline ourselves to hunger for what we know we should be hungering for? Has He won our heart?
The fact of the matter is, HE IS BEAUTIFUL! If we aren’t seeing it in ever increasing measure, then something is hindering our sight. Do we have eyes to see? Ears to hear? Are we coming to God with a contract we’d like Him to agree to, and sign? Or are we coming to Him with a blank sheet with our name signed at the bottom, BEFORE we ever know what He will fill in the page with?
Let your heart be won by the One who loves with everlasting, unfailing , unconditional love. Let Him steal away your cares as you learn to trust and rest in Him. Responsibility does not rest heavily on a dead persons shoulders. Let your government be upon His shoulders in ALL aspects of your life. Dare to believe He will lead you where He wants you to go and never forsake you in the meantime.
Someone once said (actually more than once) that we have as much of God as we want. At first thought, that pricks. Then as we let it judge us, and acknowledge the truth of it, it becomes a catalyst that spurs us on to dying, so that He can live more freely in us. Mrs. Charles Cowman said, "We get no deeper into Christ than we allow Him to get into us."
We love Him because He first loved us! He is already keeping His end of the relationship. His name has already been signed...it’s my turn to give my life away!

A New Neighbor

2009-07-16T21:50:00.000-04:00

Last Sunday evening when we were strolling down the lane looking for (picking and eating!) wild black raspberries, all at once there arose such a clamor! "There's a nest!" The kids were about beside themselves. It's not even waist high from the ground. Not noticable except to the observant eye, it is in the brush on the bank right behind our mailbox.

About as big as my fist, it is amazing! We have been checking it regularly, ever since. Today was breezy and it swung and swayed. What a lovely cradle to grow up in!

Mostly crafted with grasses and plant fibers, you can tell a spider contributed (or should I say "gave up") it's handiwork.
There are three eggs, white with sparse brown speckles...

According to my bird book, it's a White Eyed Vireo. I have yet to learn whether this is the female or male, in residence. It seems to always be this one. Supposedly very shy, it lets us get up real close as long as we move slowly and quietly. We have no idea when the eggs were laid, or how long they set, so the due date will be a surprise!

Seeing this nest made me think of the Rich Mullins song that says something like this...
"Birds have nests, foxes have dens.
But the hope of the whole world rests on the shoulders of a homeless man..."
We hope to be able to keep catching pictures as this little family grows!

Blessed Be Your Name

2009-07-03T12:08:00.004-04:00

For a while now I have been listening to and singing this song, over and over. I've been wanting to post it, and suddenly realized I should post it today...

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your Name.

Blessed be Your Name
When I'm found in the desert place
Tho' I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your Name

Every blessing You pour out I'll
Turn back to praise.
When the darkness closes in, Lord,
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Blessed be Your name.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Blessed be Your glorious name.

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me,
When the world's all as it should be,
Blessed be Your name.
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
When there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name.

Every blessing You pour out I'll
Turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord,
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Blessed be Your name.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Blessed be Your glorious name.
You give and take away.
You give and take away.
My heart will choose to say,
Lord, blessed be Your name.

Carolie, you are not forgotten. You are missed. You are loved and longed for. Blessed be the name of the Lord, who daily loads us with benefits. You enrich our lives, from a distance. The only way to be near you, is to be near our Father's heart. One day, we will share His lap.

New Tradition

2009-06-26T13:06:00.003-04:00

For a long time, my brother Dalen kept saying he wants to do "an Isaac breakfast"... cook a bunch of the family favorites that we grew up with for a big breakfast smorgasboard. Well, he finally decided to do it on Father's Day! There were huckleberry pancakes with homemade syrup...

Liver and onions...

Pan fried brook trout caught in the clear streams of North Idaho...

Venison smokies...

There was also braunsweiger (liver sausage, we call it) for with the pancakes, orange juice and grape juice.

It was wonderful! (Especially since all I had to bring was home canned grape juice! I did flip a few pancakes too. :)
Last, but definitely not least, as a Father's Day surprise for the guys, my sister Monica made her much-sought-after eclairs. One for each of us, two each for the "dads".

Needless to say, we decided we need to make this a tradition!
(Hungry, anyone?!)

Stone Laying Resumed

2009-06-26T12:20:00.001-04:00

A week and a half ago, we got going on laying more stone on the house. Abe intended to work on it himself, along with Joe, but the corn needed cultivated and that can't wait! Now it's second cutting hay that needs cut and baled, so it may be another week or so before he gets his hands in the mud. Joe has steadily been working away on it... It is quite a process.

I have been "rock hunting". I feel like I've been thru the "bushes and the brambles" but not "where the rabbits wouldn't go"! Yesterday the girls and I were down in the creek, which they heartily approved of, beings it was HOT!
Before we started putting stones on the house, rocks were rocks. But I have learned to appreciate them a lot more! They are like snowflakes! "What!" you ask? Yes, they remind me of snowflakes, there are no two alike! Some are so pretty and some are nondescript, but they serve to showcase the pretty ones even more.

Somehow, handling these stones keeps working a deeper appreciation for God, in me. What a Creator, Designer, Builder He is!

Years ago in Idaho, I admired a small house sided with stone. I always thought of it as a "stone cottage". I loved it, it seemed like such an enduring shelter. I never dreamt...

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Even those unconscious, un-named desires...
Like a never-ending romance, I find God more delightful all the time.
It seems too, He takes delight in our delight.

Heartwood

2009-06-26T10:21:00.001-04:00

The other evening I noticed this tree...

I was struck by the way it has been ravished... the elements have taken their toll. At some point, it has been wounded to the core.
It's heartwood has been exposed.

But it is still a thing of beauty... a testimony to endurance.

With it's scars very evident, it still lives and glorifies.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord. For he shall be like a tree..."
Jeremiah 17:5-8

Happy Father's Day to You!

2009-06-21T09:56:00.001-04:00

Dear Dad,
I hardly know how to put into words what I would like to say... words hardly do justice to the enormity of thought and feeling sometimes. I just want you to know, your legacy lives on! I have never known anyone that demonstrated more deeply and closely the heart of Christ, to me. I keep discovering more truths that I was introduced to by you, they ministered to me then, but it was only a shadow of the reality you were experiencing and walking in. I now know some of why you wept, I weep too. You saw Him in His glory.
Thank you, Dad, for every valley you walked thru with patience. You pioneered paths for us to follow. They led me out of the mainstream, but then that's where God keeps meeting me and coming near. Thank you for never settling for second best, for insisting that the only tree we should be eating from is the Tree of Life!
Thank you for little things like York mint patties. God still sees to them for me, in ways more wondrous than I can hardly grasp.

Because of you, I have a richer view of who my heavenly Father is. Sometimes as I catch on to a new (to me) facet of who God is and how He works, I then see... "Why, He's just like Dad!" but I know it's actually the other way around... you just followed in His footsteps and loved us like He does. I'm forever grateful, to you, Dad, and to You, Abba!

Happy Father's Day to both of you!

Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)

2009-06-14T20:52:00.001-04:00

Now that I have caught up on posting pictures and everyday happenings, I have yet to address all the goings on in my mind and heart the last couple weeks. There are key thoughts that I have gleaned here and there that are going round and round... There are a number of songs that I have been listening to over and over. I'll start with one of them. I'd like to dedicate this to all of you who seek for something more, some thing or some one to make all of your life worth while, your trials worth enduring...
"Whatever You're Doing" by Sanctus Real
"It's time for healing - time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender
(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone - Time to begin again
Re-evaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything - I surrender...to
(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time to face up - Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life - something heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but now I can see
This something, bigger than me
Larger than life - something heavenly"

I read something about freedom and independence that got me thinking about how they are not the same thing.
Gleaned from "The Crown of Eden" by Thomas Williams...
"Freedom is precious indeed, and every person is right to desire it. We desire independence because our pride resists authority."
In a nutshell, what I am learning to be true in my experience is that there is great freedom in dependence! Think of this baby here... totally dependent, by taking thought she cannot add one ounce or inch to her size! She is free of care... just like we can be if and when we choose utter dependence in our Father who created us, who clothes the daisies (lilies) and feeds the birds. He will "ripen" each of our lives into what He created us to be, as we surrender...
...to whatever He's doing inside of us!

Hadassah's Projects

2009-06-14T20:03:00.001-04:00

Hadassah loves to draw and make things. She's been in a real streak lately... She comes to me and requests things like - fluff, empty toilet paper rolls, etc. I am learning to provide her with the requested items and sit back and watch! (Feel free to click on any of these pictures to see them larger so you can see the detail she puts into them.) These are all things she decides to do on her own. I have craft books - they just sit on the shelf. In this household - who needs them?! This first picture she calls"
"The Hundred Acre Wood"

This one is pretty self explanatory... by the way, she calls the person on the bottom left, generally known as the "cashier" the "payer". :) When asked where she learned how to draw this, she said she saw how to draw the shopping carts in a "Clifford" book.

This one is : "The Jungle"

This one is a finger puppet. We go through lots of tape around here!

Well, I have posted a lot of things I was meaning to get around to the last few weeks. While waiting for things to load, etc. I did actually put a Peach Cheesecake together. It is cooling in the fridge...
I have a lot of stuff here by Hadassah, but she is just one of the four who keep me entertained. Earlier, Chloe and Hadassah were saying they have headaches. I was a bit dubious about Chloe having one, she likes Tylenol. She insisted she has a headache. She said, "I feel it in my mind." :) She says interesting things.
This spring once she said to me: "I can't wait to get grown up."
Me: "Why, what will you do?"
Chloe: "Wash dishes, clean the floor, cook the stuff. I would still play with stuff. Drive too."
Then as an afterthought... "I would also like to water the plants."
How's that for the dreams of a certain 4 year old!

Six Year Old Creativity

2009-06-14T18:53:00.001-04:00

What does one do with paper, glue, straws, scissors, a hole punch and miniature bricks...

Why, make a fruit stand, of course!

Recently while in a Goodwill store, we added to our Little Peoples collection. The girls call this one "Farmer Girl". It came with a barn and horses and these baskets of apples, carrots, etc. I suggested they could have a fruit stand, never knowing that Hadassah would take it quite seriously. Later she told me what she figured out she needed to "make" her fruit stand. The day we helped at the real produce stand, she was anxious to get home and make it. Here's what she came up with, all on her own!
We have these miniature bricks...and straws worked quite nicely for poles. She punched holes in the paper on all 4 corners, but had to figure out a way to keep the paper from sliding down...

More paper and a glue stick solved that...

Now "Farmer Girl" has a place to display her wares, thanks to Hadassah!

Daisy Chains

2009-06-14T18:20:00.000-04:00

Somehow my childhood passed by without ever learning how to make a daisy chain. I remember trying to braid them together and it never worked to my satisfaction. My girls, however, had the privilege of being taught how to, by a young friend. They, in turn, taught me. They can spend long amounts of time, making chains with clover blossoms, daisys, and last fall, Damaris even did it with fallen leaves, to my delight! Lovely swags can be hung or draped anywhere!

What a lovely way to spend time! What goes through their minds while their hands are occupied with such a task?

Six year old hands...

Consider the daisies...

My "Produce"

2009-06-14T17:27:00.000-04:00

It is interesting to see how each one's interests develope, how they grow... What will my little garden grow into? A red pepper is much sweeter that a green one, why woudn't it be?! It is riper! What is God's plan to "ripen" me into? And each one of these children?...I trust He will equip each of them for what He has in store.
We didn't bring chairs along to the produce stand, but watermelons worked nicely for the little ones!

Like I previously said, Devereaux really likes the peaches! Damaris likes to read!

This picture reflects each one... Chloe and Abi love the fine dust on the hard packed dirt. They scooped it into piles, sifted it between their fingers, and generally got dirty. Hadassah made daisy chains, Damaris read, Devereaux...ate! :)

A gift from one of my girls...

Produce, anyone?

2009-06-14T16:56:00.000-04:00

I just can't resist posting a few pictures of the bounty that John has been bringing up from the south. It's so lovely to have fresh produce a bit earlier than our gardens here. Steamed red potatoes, so quick and yummy with butter, salt and pepper...

We like to eat cucumber sticks...in fact we like to have a peeler and salt shaker along and we are in business!

Sweet onions, particularly Vidalias! We are learning to enjoy them on their own. Stick a chunk on a kabob on the grill...

Has anyone ever made a Peach Cheesecake? In the same way that folks like a cheesecake with cherry pie filling on top, try peaches! You might never go back to cherries!
Make a glaze with 1 cup sugar, 1 cup water and 2& 1/2 tablespoons cornstarch. Cook 'til it thickens, then while still hot, add 3 tablespoons orange jello. Cool and add cut up, fresh peaches. Top your favorite cheesecake recipe with this!
(No, don't use peach jello, I discovered quite by accident that orange makes it way better.)

Hmmm... right about now, it might be a good idea to quit blogging and go make...you guessed it...Peach Cheesecake!

Summer is Here!

2009-06-14T16:31:00.001-04:00

Summer seems to finally be here! It's official now, because we've tasted it!
Abe's brother John, each summer, runs a little roadside produce stand along State Route 39. We have a little piece of property that is easy access, so it works out good. Growing or selling produce is what the Mast family grew up doing, so it's kind of in their blood, so to speak. (Abe's Dad and two other of his brothers also sell produce, only in North Carolina.)
Anyway, we like to help out when the need, or opportunity, arises. My Mom watches the stand for Johnny off and on thru the week. My sis, Paula, and her kids help as needed, too. Last week we went down to help unload a load fresh in from South Carolina. Oh, those peaches!!! Picked tree ripe the morning before... and I do mean tree ripe!!! After helping unload watermelons and cantelope, when my back was turned, Uncle Johnny was endearing himself to my girls! Abigail had streams of juice all the way to her toes! She hasn't figured out the need to lean out!

Chloe tells me she "especially likes the skin".

Due to modern methods of doing laundry, we didn't even end up with any stains!

Devereaux (John's son, age 6) ate peaches straight time!
The kids all love hanging out down there. There is a spring where water runs year round out of the bank. There are crawdads to be found... Damaris really likes helping with the customers. Hopefully helping out there will give opportunity to learn making change, handling money, being less shy, etc. She also likes to refill displays, which is a big help when it gets busy.
If you live in Holmes County, Ohio, this is just east of West Holmes High School. Stop by and sample a melon...or a peach!

Tradition

2009-06-14T16:05:00.000-04:00

At our house, we have a plenty of girly toys! We have this doll stroller that does actually have a doll in it from time to time, but traditionally, each of the girls has had their turn in it... We didn't want to leave Lara out, now did we?!

She seemed to like it quite well! Big brother Alex had to take her for a spin too!
Check out the blue eyes... so far they seem to be staying that way and we are all cheering! She is the only one in the Mast/Isaac line so far, that's hanging on to those baby-blues!

Don't you just love babies little legs..feet...toes...
Actually the whole package is rather nice, I'd say!

Belated Memorial Day Moments

2009-06-14T15:40:00.001-04:00

I will here confess why I like a parade...
Forget the floats, cheesy or otherwise...
Forget the fancy cars, old tractors, big trucks, high-stepping horses, etc...
I'm there for the marching bands!
There was a small parade in Nashville (Ohio), just down the road from home. We never miss it. Probably for various reasons...

Every time I hear or see a marching band, I have to fight back tears... They make me feel so emotional! No, I never was in one, it's not due to fond memories or nostalgia... All I know to say is they effect me, like a hint of things to come...
Togetherness...in a big way...
Harmony...like we never heard yet...
Oneness...
Proclaiming...
Exulting...
Lifting high...
I go to parades and wait for the marching bands...for a foretaste.
I go home and let God do business in my life in order to experience the reality of that fellowship in an ever-widening circle.
HOLY! HOLY! HOLY!

My girls will tell you, without hesitation, that they like parades because of the candy that people throw...

I was very pleased to watch, as Damaris retrieved the loot that was out in the street, to see that she brought it back and distributed it amongst themselves. No squabbles, just seeing who wanted what... their own little picture of harmony. It just added to my already "emotional" state. Thank you, Lord God, for the blessings they are! I am forever in Your debt for all Your goodness to me!

This little fellow was so cute, I couldn't leave him out!

Under His Wings

2009-06-05T23:07:00.005-04:00

Don't you just love it when you find yourself humming a song over and over, and finally realize that you are doing it and think about why is it sticking, and where did I hear this, etc.?
Well, tonight the one I found myself singing in the shower is this one:

Under His wings I am safely abiding;

Though the night deepens and tempests are wild,

Still I can trust Him; I know He will keep me;

He has redeemed me and I am His child.

Chorus:

Under His wings, under His wings,

Who from His love can sever?

Under His wings my soul shall abide,

Safely abide forever.

Under His wings, what a refuge in sorrow!

How the heart yearningly turns to His rest!

Often when earth has no balm for my healing,

There I find comfort, and there I am blest.

Under His wings, O what precious enjoyment!

There will I hide till life's trials are o'er;

Sheltered, protected, no evil can harm me;

Resting in Jesus I'm safe evermore.

Which brings me to an account I read some years back that I clipped and kept where I reread it from time to time...

"An article in National Geografic several years ago provided a penetrating picture of God's wings. After a forest fire in Yellowstone National Park, forest rangers began their trek up a mountain to assess the inferno's damage. One ranger found a bird literally petrified in ashes, perched statuesquely on the ground at the base of a tree.

Somewhat sickened by the eerie sight, he knocked over the bird with a stick. When he gently struck it, three tiny chicks scurried from under their dead mother's wings. The loving mother, keenly aware of impending disaster, had ushered her offspring to the base of the tree and had gathered them under her wings, instinctively knowing that the toxic smoke would rise. She could have flown to safety but refused to abandon her babies. When the blaze had arrived and the heat had scorched her small body, the mother had remained steadfast. Because she had been willing to die, those under the cover of her wings would live.

"He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge." (Psalm 91:4)"

Who from His love can sever?!

He says, "How often would I have gathered you under my wings, as a hen does her chicks, but you would not."

What have we got to lose? Independence? It's not all it's cracked up to be... (The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord. It is not within a man to direct his steps...)

Take cover under His wings and you will find it a place of refuge.

New Mown Hay

2009-05-24T21:43:00.000-04:00

Haying season is upon us! The corn is not yet all in the ground. Abe has been putting in long days...It has finally dried up enough to work the fields down.

One of the frequent poses I see my hubby in...completely natural to have the cell phone to his ear!!! He has had quite a challenge to coordinate everything, needing to be in two or three places at once. Thank God for cell phones!
He said a few days ago he was thinking on the verse that says:
"In Him we live, and move, and have our being."
It's good exercise right now to let go of what seems like it has to get done, to do the thing in front of you and trust God to be the Coordinator. Who sends the sun and the rain, again, after all?!?

Have you ever smelled fresh sun-dried hay?!? I wish there was a way to do a scratch and sniff for those of you who haven't! This is one of the aromas that makes me treasure my sense of smell!

Future hay-makers... yeah...girls can be farmers too! I have taken my turn at raking and baling hay in times past , sometimes with a baby on my back. Abe used to have a car seat bolted on one of his tractors too! Lately, with four, it seems I mostly shuttle Abe from a field back to his truck, and bring supper...etc.

By the way... our whole family still fits on one 4-wheeler, but it's pretty loaded down!

Sweet will be the flower!

2009-05-24T16:27:00.001-04:00

For some reason when I saw this the other day, a line of a song came to mind...
"The bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flower."
I have noticed before that ants seem to like peonies. They are waiting in anticipation...
I have to think, there are many times in life when it is hard to wait, to trust and believe that "sweet will be the flower". We would like to help God "unfold the rose". In the same way that it will permanently damage a butterfly if you try to help it out of it's cocoon, it ruins the true beauty of the rose.

I ran across this verse the other day, and I have been savoring it.
Hosea 12:6
"So you, by the help of your God, return; Observe mercy and justice, and wait on your God continually."
He does not leave us to struggle alone.

"O, magnify the Lord with me. Let us exalt His name together."

Congratulations to the new Mama!

2009-05-23T08:10:00.001-04:00

Until very recently, "Fluffy" was a "he".
As one of many kittens I had in mind this one was a "he". I never bothered to confirm if my memory was accurate or not... he got fatter and fatter recently and seemed to lay around a lot. One day, my niece LaCaysha informed me he's a "she"!
Being very tame and liking the garage, and sneaking into the house whenever possible, we were hoping this batch of kittens would be found early on. You see, we have another mother that has hers hidden very well! Weeks go by and we still can't find them! She's smart because we live in the woods and racoon are on the prowl.
Yesterday morning I stepped out the door and was just standing there when I noticed quite loud purring, like you would hear when a cat is right at your feet. Sure enough, just a few few feet away in the corner behind a bucket was Fluffy with kittens! I roused Damaris who then roused the rest of the girls.
We determined there were at least two...no, four! "Goody, one for each, they said!"
While they were watching, here came another one!

The girls can't remember ever seeing kittens this small! They are usually hidden too long and are then also very hard to tame.

The girls already have decided whose is whose and they have been graced with names. It's interesting to see how there is an immediate attraction to a certain one.
I am not particularly excited about what we will do with all these cats when they are grown. We have four right now, plus a hidden batch + the new five, which equals too many!
But...every little girl needs to experience kittens, as much as possible. There will be a way.

Believe It or Not!

2009-05-22T17:38:00.005-04:00

This afternoon I was remembering bits from a song I learned years ago from my friend Faith (who is now my sister-in-law!). It had a huge impact on me then, as a single girl with a very unknown future ahead. I was told the author of the song went blind, and this was written out of that experience.
We are pretty much blind when it comes to knowing the future. Our only hope and security lies in knowing God, His love toward us, and choosing to believe in and rest in, Him. The truth in this song has never failed me.

Believe it for yourself and see what happens!

Oh, Rejoice In The Lord

God never moves without purpose or plan

When trying His servant or molding a man

Give thanks to the Lord, though your testing seems long

In darkness, He giveth a song.

Chorus:

Oh, rejoice in the Lord, He makes no mistake

He knoweth the end of each path that I take

For when I am tried and purified

I shall come forth as gold.

I could not see through the shadows ahead

So I looked to the face of my Saviour instead

I bowed to the will of the Master that day

Then peace came and tears fled away.

Now I can see testing comes from above

God strengthens His children and purges in love

My Father knows best, so I'll trust in His care

Through purging more fruit I will bear.

Come with me...

2009-05-21T09:17:00.004-04:00

...Come with me to that scene in Jerusalem where the disciples are bidding Him farewell. Calvary with all it’s horrors is behind Him; Gethsemane is over, and Pilate’s judgement hall. He has passed the grave and is about to take His place at the right hand of the Father. The hour of parting is come.

Is He thinking about Himself in these closing moments? No, He is thinking of you.
You imagined He would think of those who loved Him? No sinner, He thought of you then. He thought of His enemies, those who shunned Him, those who despised Him, those who killed Him.
He gives His disciples His farewell charge, “Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature”. I can imagine Peter saying, “Lord, do You really mean that we shall preach the gospel to every creature?”
“Yes, Peter.”
“Shall we go back to Jerusalem and preach the gospel to those Jerusalem sinners who murdered You?!”
“Yes, Peter, go back and tarry there till you are endued with power from on high. Offer the gospel to them first. Go search out that man who spat in my face and tell him I forgive him; there is nothing in my heart but love for him.
Go search out the man who put that cruel crown of thorns on my brow; tell him I will have a crown ready for him in My kingdom, if he will accept salvation. There shall not be a thorn in it, and he shall wear it forever and ever in the kingdom of his Redeemer.
Find that man who took the reed from My hand, and smote My head, driving the thorns deeper into My brow. If he will accept salvation as a gift, I will give him a scepter, and he shall sway it over the nations of the earth. Yes, I will give him to sit with Me upon My throne.
Go seek that man who struck Me with the palm of his hand; find him and preach the gospel to him; tell him that the blood of Jesus Christ cleanseth him from all sin, and My blood was shed for him freely.
Go seek out that poor soldier who drove the spear into My side. Tell him that there is a nearer way into My heart than that. Tell him that I forgive him freely; and tell him I will make him a soldier of the cross, and My banner over him is love.” - Stephanie Grace Whitson

Never-ending Journey

2009-05-09T19:53:00.001-04:00

As I was thinking of doing a post for Mother's Day, I heard this chorus playing on my sound system...

"It's a never-ending journey, to learn to love the way that You love me."

It seemed to epitomize the essence of motherhood.

I pulled up some pictures of special moments as a mother, from the past. This one was shortly after Abigail was born.

I highly treasure this picture...Damaris took it. I always wanted a picture of nursing my babies, from my point of view. I didn't coach her or even remember her taking it, but it was there on my camera! A special gift...

A lapful...and a heartful!

Hadassah...resting in the smile of God! This kind of light always makes me think of our Father smiling on us...

Many wonderful things can be said for mothers and about motherhood.
I thank God for mine.

Happiest of Mother's Days to each of you!
May you "walk in the smile of God" all through the day!

Life

2009-04-28T17:58:00.003-04:00

It is said that a picture is worth a thousand words. I believe it.
Since I drowned my camera (accidentally of course!) I have to do without the picture and try to find some words.
I have been enjoying starting some seeds inside to get a head start in the garden. My girls (especially Damaris) are very into the whole process and very regularly they can be seen checking to see if anything more is up, or misting the tender little plants. Damaris even dreamt the other night that more of her seeds were up, and indeed by the following evening, there were more.
Watching all these things sprout has gotten me pondering the circle of life. George MacDonald says you should teach your children that they are a soul, and they have a body. When death happens, it happens to your body, not you.
Looking at what is left of a seed after it is buried and dies, observing how it comes to life, is quite something. I highly recommend it!
Especially big seeds, like pumpkin and squash, make it very obvious and remarkable! Here are a few of my observations... loud messages of hope and life in tiny packages.
As life pushes out of the seed, it erupts the soil around it, it is literally earth-moving, earth-shaking! The plant is being birthed. It is already putting out roots before it comes out of the soil, before anything shows. (Essential) Most of them come up with their "heads" bowed. The leaves are still pinched inside the husk, the shell, that once held the life. (Dormant) As life keeps pushing, insisting, the shell gives way even more and finally falls, it's purpose complete, back to the soil. Those two leaves that were pinched together begin to open, unfurl. They look like a prayer, a giving back, worship.
He came that we might have life, and have it more abundantly! May Your life burst forth, no matter how it disrupts me! I want to submit to necesary death in order to know the wonder of abundant life! Break me, Lord, until I am wholly Yours! Then I will be who You created me to be.
Live loved!
Janelle

Until I'm Wholly Yours

2009-04-24T10:22:00.003-04:00

I just finished reading a book by Tamera Alexander titled "The Inheritance". The theme, or should I say "aim" of the story comes out real clear. The heart prayer of the author emerges...
"Break me, Lord, until I'm wholly yours."
It should be a request for ourselves, first of all. As God does this in us, we begin to experience such freedom that we didn't know existed. It is a very inward thing, barely explainable to anyone else, but very real. Soon we begin to ask it for those we love...
I love the word "until" in it...
God has no intent to harm us. He sorrows at our pain. He does not spare for our crying though, because He knows what is to be gained on the other side of it. He knows what we ourselves will know and say on the other side of it, what heights we will gain, what depths of love it will work in us.
I started thinking about it this morning, that God meets us right where we are, yet His dealings with us are on His terms, not ours.
We need to choose dependence on Him. We are not prone to "trusting". We have believed too many lies, gotten too far from "the garden".
Praise God, He is persistent in His love! He is TRUSTWORTHY! We were made in His image. We were made to be dependent! We are! We just choose to depend on the wrong things or people, most times.
Let's yield ourselves to our Maker, depend on Him for whatever we need! Trust Him to safely make us completely His! He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver, after all! He knows the silver is pure when He can see His reflection in it. A moment more, of heat, and the silver would be damaged. He sits, to watch and remove it from the fire at the exact moment! Be secure in His ability, and His plan for you. If you feel like damaged goods, let this truth sink into your heart...
He is your REDEEMER!

He is Risen Indeed!

2009-04-18T16:59:00.001-04:00

Years ago, as a single girl, I worked for some folks who had a sheep farm, during lambing season. My primary job was to get up numerous times at night and check to see if all was well, and if not, to deal with it. Wonderful experience and something I'll never regret! Learning the ways of sheep was an education in itself, but the relationship that developed with my employer was what took the cake! I'm so glad for her and the impact she had on my life! Thank you, Pauline!
I am not here to tell you about my job, but to relate something she told me that I never forget.
She is Greek and from a Greek Orthodox Church background, which I know almost nothing about. She told me how it is their custom, from the Resurrection till Ascencion Day, for 40 days, to greet one another with "Christ is risen!" instead of the usual "hello" etc. The answering greeting was, "He is risen indeed!" (I know how to say it in Greek, just not spell it!)
Somehow hearing that had a huge impact on me... I could imagine how with shock and surprise and excitement that greeting was given and received, and the conversations that sprung from there!
Most of all, I began to question myself...
Does my life say "Christ is risen!"

Pauline had a question I heard her voice numerous times in conversation about christianity.
"Who is their Jesus, anyway!?!"
I never want to stop asking myself these questions. They have motivated me time and again to let the real Jesus into my life and let Him deal with the real me!

Homeschool - She and I!

2009-04-15T09:42:00.005-04:00

Talk about feeling like we're leading a charmed life!!!!... Monday Abi decided to be potty trained!
Up to this point, she was just catching on how to let down and get some results, so she had managed to pee maybe four times. She had favorite hiding places where she hid out to do the other!
She's very good at figuring things out. She learned to walk pretty much on her own. She would stand up on her own in the middle of no-where and we wondered as her balance got better, if she would all of the sudden take steps and walk. That's pretty much what happened.
So now, at the end of a very busy week, with minimal attention from Mom, potty training being the farthest thing from my mind right now, she tells me she has to go and she goes. She's so careful she runs for it even when it's only air! :) No accidents yet. We shopped for "big girl panties" yesterday. She picked "Ariel" ones. She's so excited about the whole thing!
I think what helped a lot, without me realizing it, was a few weeks ago Chloe had checked a book out of the library that the girls got a big kick out of. It is a Sesame Street board book called "It's Potty Time". It talks about who will you tell when you have to go, washing your hands, etc. The punchline is on the last page there is a toilet with a little tab you pull down and the "yellow" disappears. The story ends with "Bye - bye, pee pee!"
She sometimes says, "It's potty time." when she needs to go. Yesterday we risked a trip to town, and when I was at the dairy on the way home, in the milkhouse filling gallons, Maris runs in and tells me Abi has to go. She even managed to go in the outdoors! I have some older ones who still don't like to have to do that. In fact the thought of it seems to scare it back up! Last night I left her in panties for the night and she did fine. I thought she would, because her diaper is usually dry in the morning.

I'll give a bit of a history of the last week and why this is a continued lesson to me, another evidence that I can depend on God to work in astonishing ways!
Last Tuesday evening my sister Paula and her husband Shane and 5 children (ages 16 down to 8) arrived in from Montana. They came with a big Uhaul. The Lord had provided a home to rent before they ever got here, which was a miracle. Four bedroom houses are just not often available, in the country and in a 5-6 mile radius from all the family, no less! We've never before even lived in the same state, since marriage! Paula arrived sick with a bad cold, obviously run down from hard work, little sleep, and driving in hazardous conditions across country. They had snow the whole way, once even an interstate highway being shut down and they had to wait it out in a hotel! (God does know also when we need to quit pushing and stop and sleep!) All told, somehow the trip ended up costing less than they expected!
When they got in Tuesday evening, Monica and Mom led them right to their house so they could unload and plug in the freezer. Then everyone came here for supper and a noisy family evening together. I wish I had some picture but as usual at times like these, I'm busy enjoying and the camera is forgotten!
The next day the guys got the Uhaul unloaded, we showed Paula the place Harv's are building. (Soon I'll post some pics of that...) and we spent a lot of time catching up.
Thursday morning LaCaysha watched the children except Abi while Paula and I did a shopping run. Late afternoon our friend Charity (Kenyan) came from Columbus with her two children, Victor (13) and Mukami (11), and friends Justus (18) and Casey (10). Charity had been wanting to come over spring break and this is when it worked out. We could have said it would be too many, too much, but she's been wanting to come and had some incredible stuff that God is working in her that she was making me wait to hear, until she could come and visit in person! (I'm gonna see if she'll mind if I share a bit of it on here, it's such a faith builder and an encouragement to really die to ourselves! Ouchy but great! Charity, call me and give me a yea or nay!) Anyways, it seemed like the timing was right, as long as I don't do the freak-out about where is everyone going to sleep, what to cook etc.
Right away when Charity called, she offered to cook African food for all of us Thursday eve. (See!) We love it, especially her chipati's which we literally hadn't had in years! Abe was drooling. She got here a bit late because of a job interview and we went right to work, chopping etc. Justus loves to cook and is planning to go to a cooking school this summer, so he was the biggest help. Harv's and Mom came for the supper too and it was all a great hit! Of course Monica made a trifle that is nothing to trifle with. Laced with our home/heart food, huckleberries. (I feel like I almost type "huckleberries" with reverence.)
Through all this Paula was trying to get a bit rested up, Abi had her ears bothering her again and a fever. We kept begging Shane's to just rest a few days and move in at their leisure. So Friday morning Mom and Monica came over so us ladies could visit. Yum! Meanwhile the kids all were outside, going for it, even on the rainy days. The Montana kids and the Columbus kids broke the ice and had a blast!
At least for two nights there were 18 souls asleep under our roof! The girls were all in the loft, the boys on the living room floor and couch, Shane's had Damaris' room, Charity had Dassie and Chloe's, and we were in ours. We still had a couch available in the family room and a top bunk empty in Dassie's.
All the while building this house, I have felt like this house was more house than we needed. It's accommodating and spacious feeling and lovelier than I needed, by far. I have this desire that, as it is God's, that He would use it for way more than just us. We just have the pleasure of being here full time! This last week, in some way felt like a test run, with God at the helm. The meals just decided themselves so simply, one day at a time. And hey, my niece and nephews are an incredible work force! These floors have never stayed so swept before. There were willing dishwashers, and the boys response to burning trash was "oh, cool!", coming from living where they couldn't burn trash.
Charity left Saturday afternoon. Saturday evening all the family was again here for a big bonfire and hot dog roast, and back again for Sunday dinner of ham, potatoes and gravy, sweet potatoes, salad, buns and desert. Everyone helped with the food.
Monday Shane's were going to knuckle down and unpack, but so much time was lost waiting on phone calls and faxes to get electric in their name etc., that we talked them into staying one more night. Monica had them over to their place for supper. They came back late enough that all our girls but Damaris were asleep and tucked into their own beds, to their dismay come morning! Damaris and Savanna have become almost joined at the hip! She kept peering out the window, watching and waiting!
Yesterday they left and headed to their house and we went to town in the afternoon. We are winding back down to our own family size again. We had the fun of running over in the evening with some groceries and chocolate and wine as a little "welcome". It is actually starting to sink in for me that they are going to live about 6 miles away instead of over 2,000! I have to say I felt a little emotional last evening!
To sum it all up, for Abi it's bye-bye diapers and hello panties, and for me it is a continuation of bye-bye to being "hostess", striving to be organized, etc., hello to depending on God and following His leading. If you do what He tells you, He'll tell you what to do!

P.S. If God leads you to Ohio for whatever reason, and you need a rest, or a place to lay your heads en route, etc. please know you are welcome!

Leading a Charmed Life?

2009-04-12T07:47:00.003-04:00

This last week, this thought landed in my mind and has been going round and round...and I've been savoring it! It feels like we are leading a charmed life!
By that I mean:
So many little things have been happening, both good and bad, that somehow work out in a simple way. It started me looking back over our life and recognizing the pattern... we are being kept in His love, changed into His image from glory to glory!
I think I am beginning to understand what Paul said about "learning to be abased and to abound". I'm thinking that when we actually get it that "all things work together for good to them that love the Lord", in our heart as well as in our head, that's where the "charmed" feeling comes in. Nothing can touch us, but what He allows and knows will work a deeper good in us, also a further opening of our eyes to seeing Him in all His beauty!
And oh how beautiful You are! Great in mercy, rich in love, our Strong Tower that defends us, even from ourselves!
"Amazing Love, how can it be? That You my King would die for me! Amazing Love, I know it's true! It's my joy to honor You, in all I do!"

Love Mercy

2009-03-30T14:50:00.001-04:00

This last week has been a rough one for us. Abi and Chloe were having a fever and headache and then it turned into colds. Regretfully, Abi's then went to her ears, which is a first for us. While I was doing what I could for her and finally getting her to sleep, Hadassah, who was complaining her tummy didn't feel good, had to throw up! Quite a day! Abi's ears continued to bother her and after too little sleep, I guess I'm a little run down. I got a raging tonsil infection. I won't describe what they looked like! I have been sweating it out (literally!) and am on the mend. I'm doing what I call "The Lemonade Diet" (The Master Cleanse). Mix 1 cup hot water with 2 tablespoons lemon juice, (preferably fresh squeezed) and 1 tablespoon or more maple syrup, then shake in as much cayenne pepper as you can stand. It burns, but it hurts good and warms through from your throat and tonsils into your ears. I think all things considered and at my midwife's advice, I may fast on this for a while to really cleanse!
Needless to say, when I wasn't huddling under a blanket to feel warm, once I was hot, I'd get up and try to keep things going around here. Abe had to fill in the blanks and he did a good job of it! I have a new appreciation for the tortoise. It's amazing what can actually get done if you just keep chipping at it! I guess God knows that, it seems that's what He does with me!
"Slow and steady wins the race..."
"Like the hammer that breaks the rock in two..."

I had such a surprise the other day and I've been thinking on it ever since...
I was reading the lyrics to a song I hadn't heard, that was basically Micah 6:8.
"He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy,
and to walk humbly with your God?"
Now, last year, I felt like God was really teaching me about "walking humbly" with Him. What that should look like in my life, etc. One definition I love, of humility, is: Knowing who God is, and who we are, and not getting the two mixed up!
There isn't an area or subject or circumstance where this doesn't apply quite simply!
So, when I think of this verse, that's the part I identify with, that my heart runs to.
When I read this again the other day, I was so stunned to hear "love mercy"!
So that's what You've been up to, Abba! Teaching me to love mercy!
I always thought (without thinking) of "love mercy" as actually meaning, "be merciful". But I see now that's not what He's getting at here. I never before thought much about mercy. I didn't realize that it's such a huge part of who God is! All this winter, mercy has been emerging as a big deal, to me.

As shared in a previous post, Kathryn Scott's song "At the Foot of the Cross", has the line, "Coming to kiss the feet of Mercy..."
Phillips, Craig and Dean song, "Mercy Came Running" is especially beautiful to me...
Psalm 23... Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life...
Joni Eareckson Tada said: "This paralysis is my greatest mercy."
The song "Where Mercy Reigns" says... "Never alone, where Mercy reigns. Fear is unknown, where Mercy reigns.
Jesus will never change the way He feels for you. Love remains, where mercy reigns."
Just look up mercy in a concordance to notice all the times it doesn't just reference "mercy", but:
Great mercy... manifold mercy... tender mercy...

I do feel, that as we see Him for who He is, and His mercy begins to be a thing of beauty to us, instead of trying to "be merciful", I think it will flow as a fruit. As I accept His mercy and am humbled and awed by it, how can I stop it from flowing out! Once again it makes it all about Him, instead of all about me!

I look forward to spending each day, with eyes opened to look for His new mercies, hidden for me to search for! His ways are indeed "past finding out"!

Tell On Myself Tuesday

2009-03-24T08:39:00.002-04:00

I had this idea the other day, to "tell on myself" on Tuesdays. I'm breaking myself in easy by not adding a picture to this one, and I can't promise I'll post every week.
This morning I am trying to decide whether something that is on my heart is something the Lord wants me to do, or whether it's just "me" and I should mind my own business.
I met a lady in the library yesterday that I don't know very well at all. We attended the same church for a while maybe 13 years ago. I have visited heart-to-heart with her just once, in Pizza Hut, one of those divine appointments. I have always been drawn to her and she sorta acts like maybe she feels the same toward me?
Anyway, last evening I was resting on the couch and I was thinking about her and realizing that the look in her eyes said to me that she is going through it. I told my husband I have a notion to call her and say, "You look like you need somebody safe to pour it all out to. Do you want to come over?" Abe said maybe I should!
I have never done anything like this before, but the more I ask God, the more my heart pounds a bit and I think I'm being beckoned out of my comfort zone...
Oh yes, I have one of those! The temperature is just right, the lighting isn't too bright, etc. But you know what? There is nothing exhilarating there! I've found God rarely meets me there.
I once read and haven't forgotten... "One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." (I hear the truth in this, and it's especially striking to me 'cause I can't swim!) Our relationship with Christ is all about being changed into His image. I am continually discovering new "land" (areas) in me that need to be yielded to Him. As I do, I keep discovering that the comfort of being in Christ and not fearing man or pleasing myself, has very little resemblance to my "comfort zone". (I trust one day my fear of water will be conquered, through Him, and I will experience the exhilaration of swimming!)
One last quote:
Believe God's word and power more than you believe your own feelings and experiences. Your Rock is Christ, and it is not the Rock which ebbs and flows, but your sea. - Samuel Rutherford

Well, there. How's that for a start? Somehow it helps me see God has work cut out for Himself yet in me, but I know He is equal to the task!

A Rope Swing

2009-03-23T11:32:00.002-04:00

Last year for Damaris' birthday, Abe had the idea of hanging a rope swing from a tree limb that hangs out over our drive. I was a bit leary at first, but after watching them carefully while they got the hang of it, I soon was comfortable with it. The girls love it when an adult will pull them way back as high as they can and send them sailing into the sky. Chloe particularly loves it!

I love it when I see one of them all by herself, swinging away. It's such a peaceful uplifting thing to do. I know, I've tried it out myself!

It was quite something when some friends of ours with 5 boys stopped in. The boys on the swing was an entirely different matter! I'm not sure "peaceful" is the word I'd use to describe it! They tried standing in the loop, with one foot, no less!

The expression you see on Abi's face is exactly what it looks like... A little "ohhhh"!

Come visit and try it out! You might have to wait in line!

Morning Mercies Once Again

2009-03-22T08:01:00.008-04:00

Last night, we laid a little burden down at the foot of the cross. This morning His mercies are new. Accompanied by Peace, I was delivered of what we thought would be a new member of our family this fall. With no trauma, not having to leave home, or suffer anything intense or scary, my body went through the motions of having a baby, only there was no baby. Our midwife came and examined what was lost and there was a tiny placenta and an amniotic sack about the size of an olive, but nothing in it. God knows for me this made the grief less. Nervertheless, I weep...
This morning I was reminded that even though there is not at this time to be a little girl named "Mercy", Mercy is still mine! I am my beloveds and He is mine!
The other morning I read on this blog about how the things we go through are worth it if it means we get to know Jesus deeper through it. I say amen.
Yesterday morning after I posted here, I was really fighting worry etc. In my spirit I was feeling so yucky. As I was combing Hadassah's hair, I was growing very frustrated. She wasn't cooperating and none of the others were either. She was being goofy and I was definitely not feeling in a goofy mood myself. I went on this tirade telling the girls I need them to cooperate with me, and my attitude was not Christ! Hadassah went downstairs when I was finished and began cleaning up in their room. Right away I knew what was going on and I called the girls all together for a talk.
I asked Hadassah, "Mama was kind of mean to you when I was combing your hair, wasn't I?" She right away said, "Yeah, but it's ok" That about broke my heart! I explained that it is not ok.
You see, while I was blogging, prior to that, I had read a beautiful post that had these two quotes that really struck me. "To bring up a child in the way he should go, try traveling that way yourself once in a while." (I happen to think the "once in a while" should be left off!) and
"Don't worry that your children never listen to you, worry that they are watching you."
Talk about a timely word for me!
I simply told my girls that I was worried about the baby, and that made me grouchy and impatient. I could not reach into my tummy and take care of the baby or make sure it was alright, so that was God's job, and I should not worry. I reminded each of them of different things they've struggled with where I have taught them to not be afraid, but to remember that Jesus is with them, and how I have to do the same thing! It's no different. Then I prayed, asking for God's help and mercy on us. It was a precious time of, together, as daughters, going to our Father. Damaris, who is very non-verbal when it comes to how she feels, said a knowing and simple "amen".
That meant a lot to me, because it is not their "habit" to repeat "amen", and just very recently I had asked them if they knew what saying amen meant and had explained it to them. I knew her amen was meaningful. Also I have went through much with her, watching God show Himself to her and seeing her overcome fear with His help. Praise Him!
The other thing that is on my heart this morning is a song we learned when I was a child, that was special to my Dad. (My parents had been "expelled" from a church that believed they were the only true church of God, and as they went through much searching and upheaval, God made it clear who His people/church are.)

For I'm building a people of power

And I'm building a people of praise

Who will move through this land by my Spirit

And will glorify my precious name

So build your church, Lord

Make it strong, Lord

Join our hearts, Lord

To Your Son

Make us one, Lord

In Your body

In the kingdom of Your Son

In all that we are going through, He is endeavoring to build us up in Himself. It is all worth it! As in the Kathryn Scott song in yesterday's post, I'm here to "kiss the feet of Mercy". These things He walks us through do join our hearts to His Son, and so to Him! Thank You, Daddy!

God is Merciful

2009-03-21T09:15:00.004-04:00

For the last few weeks, I have been holding back in sharing one of the current events in our life. I think maybe as I try to sort out my thoughts and feelings here, you might understand why.
I am 9 weeks pregnant. Usually this is cause for rejoicing, etc. and we have done some of that. The trepidation comes in because last year in May, at 11 weeks pregnant, I miscarried.
Usually, with the pregnancies of my five girls, when I saw a positive pregnancy test, there was the excitement and also the feeling of "there's no going back now"!
Last year, getting pregnant was a surprise. We were in the middle of building a house, anticipating moving, (which we did in July) and at first I felt a little snowed under. Then I thought, "Really, it's no extra work, being pregnant. I'll just pace myself, not feel as good, but we'd be settled in before the birth." That led me to realizing that it is really God who carries a baby in the womb, forming them etc. So I rested my care on Him.
I had never had complications with a pregnancy before, so it was a complete shock when I started spotting and after 5 days of taking it easy, I lost it. By this time I was adding up the fact that I had been having less then normal nausea, hadn't thickened in the waist as much as I had expected by then, etc. Through it all, God was very gracious to me.
So... back to now.
When I realized I was pregnant, I had this feeling that it's not for sure, until I'm past that 11 week mark. I find myself analyzing how nauseous I do or don't feel. I've let myself be laid back and lazy. I have not felt very nauseous. The beginning of this week I started spotting, just the tiniest bit... then Wednesday it all of the sudden increased. But Tuesday I felt really gaggy and I told my husband this was the first day I really felt pregnant! It made me feel better to feel worse! (But I don't like feeling bad...)
Anyway, my midwife has me taking some things that stopped the faint low back ache (cramps) and the bleeding slowed almost to a stop yesterday. I eased up on the quantity of herbs and it got worse again, so I am back to full dose and waiting it out. I have not lost the pregnancy yet, but I worry about what is actually going on in there. I am literally waiting on the Lord, and I know it is He who is forming this child, it is in His care.
Before all of this happened, since last fall, really, and a dream I had about the mercy of God, I have been pondering mercy. Then I read a book called "A Severe Mercy" by Sheldon Vanauken that I loved and it endeared the mercy of God to me even more. Quite often the thought that His mercies are new every morning, has lingered in my heart. Because of this, and everything, I have thought, if this baby is a girl (like they all have been!:)) I would like to name her something that means "God is merciful" or Mercy Dawn...
As the events of this week have unfolded, it seems like God has been quiet, except the continuous thought - God is merciful...
I would like this interpretted, as in, what will Him being merciful look like in this situation? I feel like I'm yielded to His will, but it would be nice to know, to not be in limbo. Another thought I have, is in past experiences I have felt God saying to me that we have a choice about what we believe about Him, who we believe Him to be? In times past I have been ashamed of my unbelief, when He worked marvelously in my behalf. That has led me to see I don't really expect Him to be good, when really there is none good, but God! At the same time I hesitate to "name it, claim it" or be arrogant in my own mind in any way...
In sharing all this while in the process, I guess I am choosing to include you this journey. My heart's prayer is always, that the journey that I walk in would make me more like Him, not more like myself. I want to let go of wrong ways of thinking, of unbelief, of fear, of dread, etc. and embrace God and let who He is be my stay.
By nature I am not like "Anne of Green Gables". Somewhat like Marilla, I like flying but I can definitely do without the thud. I guess I'm scared to hope, but again what does that tell you about my trust in God. It is so very small! Lord, help my unbelief!
I do believe God is merciful and His mercy is a thing of beauty! I like the Kathryn Scott song, "At the Foot of the Cross".

At the foot of the cross

Where grace and suffering meet

You have shown me Your love

Through the judgement You received

Cho. - And You've won my heart

Yes, You've won my heart

Now I can...

Trade these ashes in for beauty

And wear forgiveness like a crown

Coming to kiss the feet of mercy

I lay every burden down

At the foot of the cross

Where I am made complete

You have given me life

Through the death You bore for me

I'm laying every burden down

Meet me at the foot of the cross. That's where I want to live!

More Rental Pictures

2009-03-18T18:05:00.001-04:00

#1: See the porch thing off the basement? It's hard to describe. The clothesline is to the left of Mom. Great volleyball possibilities, not?!
#2: The grape arbor and the clothesline goes down from there, the white post. #3: The garden (to the right/east of the grape arbor)
#4: The back of the house... the window to the right of the door would be the bathroom one, the far right is the laundry. The window to the left is the office and the far left is the bedroom.

#1: Bad pic of the cellar room #2: Boys, I think this is for you - the great "tan" throne. Just pull that curtain shut and ... well, you know!
#3: There are a number of little shelf things like this in the basement. I noticed the shop light above it. Each one could have a little "project station". #4: is the wood furnace, pretty new too! This is for Shane!

#1: This is the basement porch, needs some fresh paint, bet it stays fairly cool in the summer... I don't know if the swing thing stays but the kids made themselves at home. Better get used to it! Alex even found a funny hat of former renters! #3 is a scene from the back yard and #4 is just my sweetie!

Learn to live, loved.

2009-03-10T17:47:00.002-04:00

I have been thinking on this sentence a lot, since reading it in "The Shack" and then more great reading on Mr. Young's blog, Wind Rumors. I also found more great stuff on Mr. Wayne Jacobson's blog. The more I think on this, the more it strikes me how all-encompassing this actually is! I am going to post a bit I read...

Living Loved with a Little Help from Merton
“Living loved” has become quite the motto around here. It’s what allows us to live deeply in the life of Jesus. Recently a correspondent sent me some excerpts on that theme drawn from Thomas Merton’s book, No Man Is An Island. Since I haven't had time to write anything this week, I thought you’d enjoy his take on this. I sure did. His words vibrate with truth and life!
13. Our ability to be sincere with ourselves, with God, and with other men is really proportionate to our capacity for sincere love. And the sincerity of our love depends in large measure upon our capacity to believe ourselves loved. Most of the moral and mental and even religious complexities of our time go back to our desperate fear that we are not and can never be really loved by anyone.
When we consider that most men want to be loved as if they were gods, it is hardly surprising that they should despair of receiving the love they think they deserve. Even the biggest of fools must be dimly aware that he is not worthy of adoration, and no matter what he may believe about his right to be adored, he will not be long in finding out that he can never fool anyone enough to make her adore him. And yet our idea of ourselves is so fantastically unreal that we rebel against this lack of “love” as though we were the victims of an injustice. Our whole life is then constructed on a basis of duplicity. We assume that others are receiving the kind of appreciation we want for ourselves, and we proceed on the assumption that since we are not lovable as we are, we must become lovable under false pretenses, as if we were something better than we are. The real reason why so few men believe in God is that they have ceased to believe that even a God can love them. But their despair is, perhaps, more respectable than the insincerity of those who think they can trick God into loving them for something they are not. This kind of duplicity is, after all, fairly common among so-called “believers,” who consciously cling to the hope that God Himself, placated by prayer, will support their egotism and their insincerity, and help them to achieve their own selfish ends.
14. If we are to love sincerely, and with simplicity, we must first of all overcome the fear of not being loved. And this cannot be done by forcing ourselves to believe in some illusion, saying that we are loved when we are not. We must somehow strip ourselves of our greatest illusions about ourselves, frankly recognize in how many ways we are unlovable, descend into the depths of our being until we come to the basic reality that is in us, and learn to see that we are lovable after all, in spite of everything! This is a difficult job. It can only really be done by a lifetime of genuine humility. We must accept the fact that we are not what we would like to be. We must cast off our false, exterior self like the cheap and showy garment that it is. We must find our real self, in all its elemental poverty but also in its very great and very simple dignity: created to be a child of God, and capable of loving with something of God’s own sincerity and His unselfishness.
The first step in this sincerity is the recognition that although we are worth little or nothing in ourselves, we are potentially worth very much, because we can hope to be loved by God. He does not love us because we are good, but we become good when and because He loves us. If we receive this love in all simplicity, the sincerity of our love for others will more or less take care of itself. Strong in the confidence that we are loved by Him, we will not worry too much about the uncertainty of being loved by other men. I do not mean that we will be indifferent to their love for us: since we wish them to love in us the God Who loves them in us. But we will never have to be anxious about their love, which in any case we do not expect to see too dearly in this life.
15. The whole question of sincerity, then, is basically a question of love and fear. The man who is selfish, narrow, who loves little and fears much that he will not be loved, can never be deeply sincere, even though he may sometimes have a character that seems to be frank on the surface. In his depths he will always be involved in duplicity. He will deceive himself in his best and most serious intentions. Nothing he says or feels about love, whether human or divine, can safely be believed, until his love be purged at least of its basest and most unreasonable fears.
But the man who is not afraid to admit everything that he sees to be wrong with himself, and yet recognizes that he may be the object of God’s love precisely because of his shortcomings, can begin to be sincere. His sincerity is based on confidence, not in his illusions about himself, but in the endless, unfailing mercy of God."
Perhaps letting God teach us how to live loved is the hardest thing we’ll ever learn. Our flesh wars against it, and religion constantly challenges the notion by making us think that God only loves us when we’ve earned it some how. But he has always loved you, and always will. That doesn’t change. Whether you believe it or not, makes all the difference in the world. This is where transformation begins!
Thank you, Mr. Merton and Mr. Jacobson for these words of life!

Pride Kills Faith?!

2009-03-07T10:47:00.005-05:00

This morning I was indulging in the pleasure of a very good book. The house was quiet, the girls all still asleep. Unlike a lot of families, we let our kids stay up as late as we do. (Ah, the joys of homeschooling!) I relish quiet in the morning, as they don't wake up so early. It also gives them more time with Daddy...
Anyway, the book I am re-reading is by George MacDonald, actually re-edited by Dan Hamilton, called "The Seaboard Parish". (Read "A Quiet Neighborhood" first.) I can't help but share a bit of it, it struck such a chord in my heart!
In Chapter 14 - A Sermon for Sailors ... "There is nothing that kills faith sooner than pride. The two are directly against each other."
(In Chapter 15, talking about Peter)...
"I have sometimes wondered whether his denial of our Lord had anything to do with his satisfaction with himself for making that onslaught upon the high priest's servant. It was a brave and faithful act to draw a single sword against a multitude. Peter had justified his confident saying that he would not deny Him. He was not one to deny his Lord - who had been the first to confess Him! Yet ere the cock had crowed, ere the morning had dawned, the vulgar grandeur of the palace of the high priest and the accusation of a maid-servant were enough to make him quail. He was excited before, and now he was cold in the middle of the night, with Jesus gone from his sight a prisoner.
"Alas, that the courage which had led him to follow the Lord should have thus led him but into the denial of Him! Yet, why should I say alas? If the denial of our Lord lay in his heart a possible thing, only prevented by his being kept in favorable circumstances for confessing Him, it was a thousand times better that he should deny Him, and thus know what a poor weak thing that heart of his was, trust it no more, and give it up to the Master to make it strong and pure and grand. For such an end, the Lord was willing to bear all the pain of Peter's denial."
Here I ceased and, a little overcome, rose and retired to my own room. There I could only fall on my knees and pray that the Lord Christ, who had died for me, might have His own way with me - that it might be worth His while to have done what He did and what He was doing now for me. To my Elder Brother, my Lord and my God, I gave myself yet again,confidently, because He cared to have me and because my very breath was His. I would be what He wanted, who knew all about it and had done everything that I might be a son of God - a living glory of gladness."
I echo this prayer, today and always!

(I am a second hand book shopper and always buy any George MacDonald books when I see them. I have multiple copies of some of them, for giving away. Let me know if there is one you are looking for and I would be happy to share if I have it. The ones I have are the ones edited by Michael Phillips.)

The Shack

2009-03-03T10:10:00.004-05:00

What is all the buzz going on about The Shack? If you are much of a reader, you've probably at least heard this title by now. Maybe you've heard people raving or arguing about it in depth... maybe you've read it yourself.
I've read it and the verse that comes to my mind as I wonder what to say about it, is simply this:
Psalm 34:8 Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

I am not here to write a review. They have already been written. (Here's a very good one, if you want.)
No, I am just here to testify to our GREAT GOD, MOST LOVING PAPA, SWEET LORD, PRECIOUS REDEEMER, and TENDER COMFORTER!
As I walk through life, there are experiences and times when God is especially sweet to me, sometimes so sweet it feels like I can hardly bear it... somehow I feel the need to burst out of my skin in order to better magnify Him! (One day this caterpillar will!)
I love reading something that makes me catch my breathe in an involuntary sob, it is so beautiful! Somehow, Mr. Young has put into word pictures some of those beautiful feelings that come from feeling so intensely loved. Better yet, you feel it!
Praise God for people who are trusting Him all the way, who are being saved, who are finding freedom in the love of God in the same increments that they are giving themselves over to Him.
Papa bless you for walking in such light, Willie, for setting an example I know He applaudes. Keep dancing for (and with) Him!
I spent some time the last two days, reading on The Shack website and also on Willie's blog. I highly recommend visiting both.
I am going to close this with a statement I read there:
"Like Peter (and Mack) I would rather be sinking out on the water with Jesus, than "safe" back in the boat, without Him."

Precious Scars?

2009-03-02T09:20:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I was visiting with a cousin who a year ago, suffered the loss of an infant daughter. She was holding her 3 week old son.
In the course of our talking I was telling her about how when I had my first baby, I had terrible nursing problems, my baby had bad tummy aches especially at night, which meant almost no sleep! (I saw the familiar look of exhaustion in her eyes.) At two weeks, while at Grandpa's house for dinner, I looked up to see my mom watching me from across the room with such a look of sympathy in her eyes that it undid me and I lost it! I cried and cried!
The song I clung too through that time was: "I can face tomorrow, jump over every barrier. No mountain is too big for Him, He can solve anything.
I was down in deep desperation, on the verge of giving up my life. Jesus came in the right time and upheld me with His mighty hand..."
Anyways, by the time our daughter was 6 weeks, things were much better. Needless to say, I have actual scars.
I was still nursing Carolie when she died (drowned). Somehow (don't ask me how) the things I suffered with her, the birth and then the nursing agony, became very precious to me. I often think of the verse where Paul says, "I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus."
Somehow, as life goes on and we heal and adjust, and we let go of pain, it sometimes seems as if it was a dream that she ever was. But...I bear in my body the marks of Carolie and I weep even now as I write.
Yesterday, as I was sharing a bit of this with Natalie, she right away knew what I meant. She says she feels the same way about her cesarean scar. All at once, after almost 10 years of feeling this way, it occurred to me...

Are Jesus' scars as precious to Him?

Deep Questions

2009-02-18T12:39:00.004-05:00

Each of us has a belief system. All, part, or none, of it may be true. I know I keep discovering new areas in mine that are faulty and do not really work to make and keep me walking in life and peace.
The big questions are: Is what I believe helping me in my area of struggle? If it doesn't, then what good is it? What value would it be to someone else when it is incapable of helping me?
To answer these questions requires gut honesty between us and God.
Catherine Marshall said," It's the delight of my life to find God far more practical and common sense than any human being I know. The only time I find my dealings with God less than clear-cut is when I'm not being honest with Him. The fuzziness is always on my side, not His."
This statement has bit me in the butt more times than I care to count since I first read it. But I've learned and am still learning that on the other side of the "bite" is always a new level of freedom from myself, a new measure of life!
The enemy of our soul's intent is to steal, kill, and destroy. Lies are a huge part of that. The Truth is the only effective armor/weapon. He will be sure to tell us what we have to lose by completely surrendering to God, but mum's the word about what we stand to lose if we don't! He works very hard to conceal from us the goodness of God. He wants no whiff of the delight we can live in, to reach our nostrils.
The best way I have learned to combat him, is this gut honesty with God. To let God search me and find my faulty misconceptions about Him. To run to Him for reworking at the least hint of discord in my heart...
I do a lot of reading and the subject has come up a few times, as to what we do with what we read (hear in a sermon) etc. We can read and walk on, tickled with some new insights that change our ideas about God, relieve us in real (or shallow) ways and inspire us. We have a new knowledge to roll around in our minds and enthuse about with others. I have been troubled at how easy this is, without actually taking it in and letting it change us at our core. What is the secret to making it become ours, for it to change us?
While pondering this, the phrase, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand" started rolling around in my heart. At some point I got up (it was early morn) and started to write. Here is what I ended up with, to my astonishment!

Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand!
John the Baptist's first message, the one that burned on his heart in the wilderness of Judea was "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." Matt.3:2
This message prepares the way of the Lord in our hearts. It makes His paths straight. It did then and it does even now.
Jesus' message to mankind, in teaching us how to live, also began with, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."
Maybe we have glossed over this sentence as an introduction to a story we've always heard. We haven't realized the hidden power and richness in it. Too many times, as we learn something new, some fresh aspect of who God our Father is and what He requires of us, dawns on us. We walk on rejoicing and never stop to realize that every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God is life that is meant to bring us into abundant life, to be lived by! Deut.8:3, 2 Chron.7:14
Our ears itch to hear new tellings of old stories, but we neglect to understand what we hear is meant to be lived! The word of God and life go hand in hand.
Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
This was John's message. He said other words too, but this is the message. All we need to hear for us to be prepared to receive Christ into our very hearts is right here.
The message was not "Repent - because you are wicked and you must"...or... "Repent - to be ready for what is coming soon."
Note the little word "for".
Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
John's message was complete in one sentence.
In repenting, we make straight paths for the Lord to walk into our hearts, where the King of the Ages wants to establish His kingdom. Long live the King!
Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is "right here". It comes in right here! Repentance is the first thing.
If we want to experience more of God, make straight paths for Him into your heart. Let Him in.
You can't give a child something, if they have their fists clutched tightly around what they already have in them, it is impossible. First we have to let go. That is to repent.
No matter what new knowledge we come to, it just remains knowledge unless we make it ours by repenting. Seeing, recognizing, turning, walking, abiding, growing, entering into what God has in store for us.
The kingdom of heaven is truly at hand. He is the King whose kingdom is the heart.
Oh rule my heart, Most Gracious Lord on High. Live Forever, King of Kings! This land is Your land.

May we love God by giving Him His rightful place, believe Him to be as grand and glorious as He really is! Let's walk humbly with Him!

A King was born one silent night,
Not in a castle, but out of sight
In a cobwebby stable that smelled of hay,
God ushered in a brand new Way.
Cho.
He says the humble shall hear
And the humble shall see.
Humble yourselves in the sight of Me.
I'm looking for room, in hearts, don't you see?
Please humble yourselves and dwell with Me.

He came as a babe, for as we all know
To learn to obey is the way we should go.
He humbled Himself and came as a son,
Who went on to be the Obedient One.
Cho.
He says the humble shall hear
And the humble shall see.
Humble yourselves in the sight of me.
I'm looking for room, in hearts, don't you see?
Please humble yourselves and dwell with me.

Storytime

2009-02-13T09:56:00.002-05:00

I have no idea who the author to this story is. It was given to my family years ago and is one of my favorites. God bless whoever wrote it!

Jack The Huckster
There was once a poor man, a huckster, who used to go around the country villages selling his little goods. He was said to be half-cracked, and very likely he was, for he was constantly in the habit of getting drunk, and that is enough not only to “half-crack” someone but quite to break him. He was not at any rate a very sensible man, as a man is not likely to be who drives his sense out of him with drink. However, this poor creature, in going around on his journeys, heard some old woman singing the simple little ditty:
“I’m a poor sinner, and nothing at all,
But Jesus Christ is my all in all.”
Jack recollected that. “Ah!” said he, “that just suits me,” so he began to hum it himself as he went around on his huckstering expeditions, and by God’s good grace that little ditty burnt its way into poor Jack’s heart.
At last he determined that he would join the church; so he went to the minister. The minister said, “Well, friend, what can you say for yourself?” “Not much,” said he, only this:
“I’m a poor sinner, and nothing at all,
But Jesus Christ is my all in all.”
“Well,” said the minister, “You must tell me more than that.” “No,” said Jack, “I can’t, for this is my confession of faith, and that is all I know.” “Well, friend,” said the minister, “I cannot refuse you church fellowship, but you will have to come before the church meeting and the members will have to see you and judge for themselves about you.”
Jack accordingly went to the church meeting, and there sat some good old-fashioned deacons, some of whom began to see whether they could not find fault with him. Jack stood up, and on being requested to state his experience, simply said:
“I’m a poor sinner, and nothing at all,
But Jesus Christ is my all in all.”
So one old deacon said, “Is that all you have to say?” “Yes,” says Jack, “that’s all.” The minister said, “You may ask my friend some questions if you like.” So one says, “Brother Jack, have you not many doubts and fears?” “No,” said Jack, “I never can doubt but that I’m a poor sinner, and nothing at all, for I know I am! And I cannot doubt that Jesus Christ is my all in all, for He says He is, and how can I doubt that?”
“Well,” said another, “but sometimes I lose my evidence and my graces, and then I get very sad.” “Oh!” said Jack, “I never lose anything, for in the first place, “I’m a poor sinner and nothing at all, no one can rob me if I am nothing at all, and in the second place, Jesus Christ is my all in all, and who can rob Him? He is in heaven; I never get richer or poorer, for I am always nothing but I always have everything.”
Then another began to question him thus: “But my dear friend Jack, don’t you sometimes doubt whether you are a child of God?” “Well,” said he, “I don’t quite understand you; but I can tell you I never doubt but that I’m a poor sinner and nothing at all.”
“Aye, Aye,” said the other one, “but sometimes I make great advances on the road to heaven and then I feel a great deal better, but I often go back again, and that causes me trouble.” “But,” says Jack,” I never go forward, for I’m always a poor sinner and nothing at all; but I cannot go back for Jesus Christ is my all in all, and blessed be God, He will not go back, and I’m safe.”
Always after that in the villages they called him, “Happy Jack,” for he was always happy, and the reason was that you could not drive him from that simple standing point; “There is nothing in me, I believe in Christ, I deserve punishment, I am lost in myself, but I trust in Him who came into the world to save sinners, and I know He will not let me perish.”

Is Your Happiness Inside or Outside?

2009-02-12T22:29:00.002-05:00

Today I got to thinking about happiness. What is real happiness? Where does it come from? What makes it last, or not last? Are there big happiness's and little ones?
Yesterday my brother and his wife got the good news that they get to buy a house (their first) that they have been hoping for. It is a long awaited happiness! I've never seen my sister-in-law so happy. She says this ranks right up there with getting married and having a baby! A BIG happiness... I myself moved into a new home 7 months ago. Definitely a happiness! Seeing your children happy is a big happiness too. I'm sure we've all seen the various versions of ...
Happiness is...
Watching a movie that totally entertains you,
having friends over for a cook-out,
going on a long anticipated vacation,
buying a new toy,
having a birthday party,
going out to eat,
CHOCOLATE,
...fill in the blanks...

Each of us has different things that contribute to our sense of well-being.

Movies end, friends go home (and sometimes you're left with dirty dishes:), vacation is over. The new toy breaks, the novelty wears off or a newer model comes out. You are hungry again in a matter of hours and have to decide what to cook... Chocolate... now that's my buddy, it's almost always there for me!:) but then a tooth starts to ache or the scale has a reaction.
These happiness's are all transient, fleeting to a certain extent. Good while they last. There isn't anything wrong with them, but they are what they are.

This picture is on Chloe's 4th birthday... I'd say that's a happy face! Two months later, these toys are still played with, but not with this much pleasure. It is another toy to pick up, and at this house Mr. Nobody is the only one who really likes to pick up toys!

Baby Dahlia, "Gahlia" as Abi says, gets the same treatment.

This kitten was the favorite one out of a batch of four, this summer. Maris called it "Fluffy". He met an untimely demise not much after this. The same day that happened, we discovered a new batch of kittens and the current "Fluffy" is again our favorite.

There's nothing like dressing up to put a smile on a little girl's face!

How do we keep our smiles? There are many "things" that I enjoy. I call them "simple pleasures". The only problem is, these "outside" pleasures do not have the power to lift my spirits when I am down. There needs to be an underlying source of happiness within us. Like a fresh water spring...
Contrary to popular opinion, which suggests that Christians can't, don't, or shouldn't have any fun (depending on which persuasion you are), Jesus Christ came that we might have abundant life. Happy is that man, whose God is the Lord!
My sister Monica put my elusive thoughts into a word picture for me today. Picture this: When you are happy on the inside, then all the external, little or big, happiness's just make your cup run over. There's a whole new level of rich enjoyment when the inside and outside happiness's overlap!
May every one of us know and walk in true happiness all the days of our lives! May your story be, "My cup runneth over with joy!"

Playing House

2009-02-05T20:54:00.001-05:00

Recently I moved a lot of the girls toys up in the loft, out of their bedrooms. There is enough room up there that we set it up like a house. They have a kitchen area and living room and bedroom. It realy helped lower the volume of toy mess in their bedrooms. At first it was a real novelty and they played up there a lot, but then the newness wore off and they are on to new frontiers...

I love this picture of Chloe and Abi...
They are quite the pair! and love each other oh so much!
This picture was taken of them sitting on their little "couch". We made two of them, using sleeping bags and spare blankets.
That way it empties a closet shelf and the blankets are there where we would use them when company comes anyway!

Hadassah is quite an organizer. She outlines who does what and generally is full of ideas!
Her Daddy calls her his "little half-pint of sweet cider, all drunk up" like Laura Ingalls Wilder.
She's natured very like Laura...this fall after watching some episodes of "Little House on the Prairie" she figured out how to skip from watching Laura. Before that she hadn't got the hang of it. So cute to watch and I'm so glad for the feelings that make her want to skip!
Have we been "skipping" lately? I guess those feelings come when we cast our cares where they belong!

We set a crate on it's side and a little play stove sets on top. Under the cloth is where the play food is in a bin. We had these trays that came with wooden food that you can cut (velcro). I suggested that they could use the trays to serve and that started a whole new round of play. It was like they had a new toy!
This is a great picture of Damaris, very like her!

Recently we have been watching a bunch of old TV episodes of Daniel Boone. We all have been enjoying it. The theme song is getting memorized and it's pretty cute when we sing it, Abi really chimes in on "...big man...!"
"Daniel Boone was a man, yes a big man... with an eye like an eagle and as tall as a mountain was he...
From the coonskin cap on the top of ol' Dan to the heel of his rawhide shoes...
The rippin'est, roarin'est, fightin'est man the frontier ever knew..."
Anyway, it's a fun way to introduced American history. They portray Daniel Boone as being a real man of integrity. We all, being a "boyless" family, just love his little boy Israel. Too bad we can't bring him home!
Well, I'd better sign off here, it's late enough and this is long enough.

That's all for now, folks!

A Rendition of the Heart of God to Man Today

2009-02-02T09:49:00.001-05:00

Written as revealed to Gary Isaac on February 14, 2003 / 4a.m.-7a.m.
Come with me and see. I am the Father of all. Yes, all. In my heart is the sum of all thought. I am more ancient than days. Before you existed, I desired to know you and to be known by you. I am all and I am One. One in all and all in One. The power of One is greater than light. Darkness flees before Me and in Me is no shadow at all, only yes and amen. I have searched out wisdom and to accomplish My will in bringing you with me into glory, you first must experience darkness. I saw that man wouldn’t understand. In fact, many would curse Me before the revelation of the mystery of the Cross. I hid Myself so you would seek Me and as you find Me, you would learn to know Me.
I first appeared as a babe in a manger in a little known city and increased in the form of a man. Jesus was the bridge for your understanding between heaven and earth, between the unseen and the seen. He is My beloved Son. He perfectly presented to the world who I am. He is My expressed nature. Jesus Christ has become One with Me. His is a Name above all Names, King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He became I in Him and Him in Me. We are One. I dwell in a high and holy place and with him who is of a humble and contrite spirit. There is great joy in My house for He is a true Son. He glorifies Me and because His heart is One with Me, I have given all glory to Him. I am not robbed by giving My glory, only glorified, greatly glorified by My Son.
It is very near the fullness of time. The times and the seasons are in My hand. I am doing a work in your day that will astonish even those to whom it has been revealed. For you have been chosen, heirs of all that I have and all that I am. You are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, joint heirs with My beloved Son. You are waking up to “see” with the eyes of your understanding that this present world is your proving ground. I created you in a fleshly body, with a soul that could know and be known, and the spirit of man that could witness to My Spirit. You, by your choice, will choose between the utter failure of your ways, making yourself your own god, or let Me be God, by abandoning all that you have and all that you are to Me. I am your Creator, as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways and thoughts higher than yours. Do not expect to understand My Kingdom the same way you understand with your intellect the things of this present world. It is only when you “see” that you are blind, that you “see”. I have chosen to bring to nothing the things that are, by the things that are not. Fear not, whosoever will, for I have sent My Spirit to personally guide you into all Truth. Come unto Me and rest. I know the very nature and weakness of mankind and because of unbelief, you limit Me. I created you and I know exactly where you are. This is how simple it is. I am God, therefore you can completely and totally trust Me. Come and see. Try Me. I Am that I Am. I have saved the best wine for the last. Joy unspeakable and full of glory.

DON'T JUST BEAR PAIN, USE IT!

2009-01-30T10:20:00.004-05:00

It's a cold snowy morning here in Ohio. I live on a hill and this time of year I kind of hibernate like some of the critters! (Not the sleeping part!) I can slide down the hill, but the thought of "Can I make it back up to the garage when I come home?" is a little daunting. So, I stay home a lot and my contact with adults feels somewhat limited. Thank you Lord for the phone and also, thank you, all you bloggers! I feel like I get to get out and visit with you all!

This morning I was reminded of this gem that was shared with me after my daughter died, almost 10 years ago. I think it is from one of Mrs. Charles Cowman's books, maybe Streams in the Desert. I'm not sure. It is something I read and reread... May God work His magic through it again!

Who for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame. Hebrews 12:2

The joy of the spirit is no cheap joy. It has scars on it – radiant scars! It is joy won out of the heart of pain. Those who know it have found one of life’s deepest and most transforming secrets the transmuting of pain into a paean (dictionary def. “a song of praise, joy, thanksgiving or triumph).
Sorrow becomes not something to escape; we can make it sing. We can set our tears to music, and no music is so exquisite, so compelling. The Christians learned immediately and at once the truth which the philosopher Royce puts into these words.
“Such ills we remove only as we assimilate them, take them up into the plan of our lives, give them meaning, set them in their place in the whole.”
When their heart strings were stretched upon some cross of pain and the winds of persecution blew through them, then from this “human” Aeolian harp (a box with an opening across which are stretched a number of strings of equal length that are tuned in unison and sounded by the wind) men heard the very music of God.
THEY DID NOT BEAR PAIN, THEY USED IT!

The plan of the enemy of our souls is very thwarted when this happens. I love it when that happens! I think this epitomizes the meaning of "We've been made more than conquerors."

I believe submitting our hearts to God to keep, to heal, to do with as He wills, is where the magic happens. Somehow He can use our pain and turn it into something most precious, to us and Him both. A verse that gives me comfort, is Psalm 51:17.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise.

In complete surrender to God, we give Him the right to rule our minds, our hearts, our bodies, our feelings. We make Him King! Long Live The King! Let's let Him be who He is, our REDEEMER!

To Train Up A Mother

2009-01-24T14:16:00.004-05:00

Recently in browsing blogs, I ran across one with the title "To Train Up A Mother". It caught my attention. I say amen to her blog description!
Quote: "The title "To Train Up a Mother" refers to the profound effects our children have on us, and how as we set out to "Train them up in the way they should go"...we find just how much God wants to teach us through them! ...and...how I'm being totally transformed along the way."

Also I have noticed such a quantity of people who are concerned about the way their children grow up. Who wouldn't be in this day and age?!

What is the answer? Is there one sure one? Where's the firm foundation we can all build on? Or should I ask, "WHO" is the answer? We all know with our minds, but how does that work out in our daily life? I tell you, it doesn't unless we are willing to die and truly make Him our Lord! Only as much as we give Him our hearts and let Him be who governs our lives, does it work. If it's not working for me, then I take that to indicate there is further territory that needs to be given over to God, in my heart.

I have found this approach to be very simplistic, but also very hard to our flesh. Sometimes the question we need to put to ourselves about our current methods/beliefs is, "How's that working for me?" Someone once said that a definition for insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get different results.

Have you ever heard the saying "More is caught, than is taught"? Well, that can be totally scary but it can also be very empowering. Most of us don't get very far in life before realizing that you can't make someone else change. When you start to catch on that the only person you have control over is yourself, it begins to dawn on you that if you want to see change, the buck stops here! We get no deeper into Christ than we allow Him to get into us.

I'll never forget the day I was driving along, feeling completely despairing over not being able to effect my husband to choose Christ, when I needed him to, so desperately. All at once I was truly hearing the song playing on a CD by Annie Herring.

"It is the journey that we walk in, that makes us more like us or more like Him. It is the pathway that we follow, that makes our lives like lamp stands or empty wind..."

Suddenly it became very clear to me that I needed to mind my own business, the journey I walk in either makes me more like myself (help!) or more like Christ. I had to choose to let my husband walk and let him go, let God be responsible for him. His journey is his business. God is bigger than him too. I will reap what I sow.

I have watched God come through so amazingly, in my marriage and with my children, when I have been unsure, uncertain, almost hopeless, you name it... (Love that Michael W. Smith song, Never Been Unloved!)

I'm going to copy here something I wrote, just my scribbles to God as I sorted through how to be the mother God wants my children to have: Written 5/10/07

"Why is there not a child training manual in the Bible?

I believe it is because our children are a training manual from God, for us. Except you become as little children...

As we learn Christ, we are automatically equipped for our tasks, whether it be working with our hands, being a wife, husband, father, mother, brother, sister, friend, etc.

God designed us to live and move and have our being in Him. All is summed up in Him.We neglect and deny Christ when we lean to our own or others knowledge and understanding. As I believe God in more completeness in my own heart and let Him reach far into the deepest recesses of me, I surrender every new ground to Him.

As I consider whining and complaining behavior in my children, I can know that they mirror what they see, except they have no guile and therefore cannot hide or whitewash the outside.

My murmuring or complaining heart that wishes God would work faster or differently in select circumstances, in fact would indicate that I believe myself more efficient and wiser than Him. As I confess and believe in Him and humble myself and my murmuring ceases, then I have true authority to lead my children to not be whiners. If I don't look in my own heart first, I am a Pharisee that requires something of others that I refuse to do myself.

WE TEACH BY LEARNING."

My children are ages 2 to 8, but I expect God to be just as faithful to lead when they are teenagers. Scary as this may sound, coming from a homeschooling mom, I teach them very little. Have you ever heard the saying, "Preach the gospel always, and if you have to, say a little."?

I guess that is my one of my mottos. More is caught than is taught! Sometimes, when I am feeling particularly broken before the Lord, I feel such a sweetness, in the middle of mundane activities, amongst us. It makes me that much more determined to keep saying yes to God, to not depend on myself in any way. I get to where I almost crave that brokeness. (Note the almost.) At the least I feel safer. Brokenness and self-sufficiency don't go together!

Well, I've probably rambled enough... just wanted to encourage anyone who feels the need of it, that "other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Christ Jesus." (1 Cor.3:11)

He really is our only security.

Longing

2009-01-22T18:34:00.001-05:00

This is my lament.
O God, that there would be a people for You... that we would truly recognize You as our life... that You would be the Rock we build our lives on, not prop ourselves up with something someone has said about You! ...That we would recognize You as all we need... that we would stand on the firm foundation You have laid in Christ Jesus and refuse all else as sinking sand ...that we would allow Your kingdom to come in our hearts... that we would run to You, not from You... that we would live at Your feet... that we would know You as a jealous God and not give our hearts away to other loves, good or bad...that we would return to You and be at rest, be saved....that we would repent and make straight paths for Your feet, right into those areas in our hearts that we have been avoiding...that we would count You more precious.

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
When darkness seems to veil His face, I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the vale.
On Christ, the solid rock, I stand.
All other ground is sinking sand.
His oath, His covenant, and blood, support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.
On Christ, the solid rock, I stand.
All other ground is sinking sand.
When He shall come with trumpet sound, Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Clad in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne.

Lord, You are more beautiful than diamonds.
Lord, You are more costly than gold.
Lord, You are more precious than silver.
Nothing I desire compares with You.

Happy Birthday, Carolie!

2009-01-17T10:49:00.001-05:00

Dear Carolie Joy, January 17, 20o9
Happiest of Birthdays to you!
For nine months you occupied my womb. The miracle of it still amazes me. Then you were here occupying my arms and lap. You felt so good! Your life was a message from God to me, to trust Him always, and no matter what, to hope in Him!
For 17& 1/2 months, I called you mine.
You are still here, just not in my arms anymore. You are where you've always been for 11 years and 9 months, in my heart. You took up permanent residence there, for all eternity.
Have you seen Cal? I asked him, if he saw you, to give you hugs and kisses from me.
I'm so glad Jesus has you in His care. I'm so glad God shared you with me. Holding you and letting you go has effected me. Your leaving was a message too.
As much as I long to feel your heartbeat, that's how much God longs to feel His heartbeat in me, for me to truly live!
I am determined not to waste your life - to get God's message, to fulfill His longing! I know one day He will fulfill mine too.
I miss you so much.
Love forever and always,
Mama

Confessions and Repentings of a Recovering "Virtuous Woman"...

2009-01-11T19:55:00.009-05:00

A few mornings ago, I woke up very early with a lot of thoughts and feelings stirring round and round in my heart. I finally decided to get up and start writing. It was 3:45 a.m. and 4 hours later I was done. I decided to go ahead and share here most of what I wrote... it's long and personal. I feel like somehow God helped me to put into words what has been going on inside of me for some years now. It helps me to see it in black and white. I also feel like in the last week God has been moving me to repeatedly refuse my own wisdom and strength, and choose Him! I welcome questions and comments.

Isaiah 30:15
In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength.
It’s not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are, God, that You have dealt so bountifully with me.
When you potty train a child, you reward them with a treat when they manage their task. The treat is not because they did it, but to teach them, to confirm - "Yes, this is what I mean, you are catching on, continue in this way."
When God rewards us for diligently seeking Him, He does the same thing. He is not saying, by blessing us, "You are to be congratulated for seeking Me." He is in effect saying, "Yes, seek Me, love Me, this is the way for you to live. Keep coming - keep seeking - keep discovering what My life in you means.
All my life I have wanted to be who God wants me to be. I have practiced godly virtues because that’s what godly women do, right?
Be hospitable... Be submissive... Be frugal... Be industrious... Be patient... Be content... and the list goes on.
I did not realize that these virtues are not a means to an end. They are a fruit. I thought by being each of these things, I would more closely be a godly woman. I practiced these virtues. Honestly, I think I succeeded quite well and enjoyed feeling virtuous. I grew up in such a way that it wasn’t that difficult for me.
But all things that do not have their origin in Christ come to an end. At some point our natural strength and ability (by the grace of God) comes to an end.
Many times as I neared exhaustion, wondering how much more I could take, I would cry out to God for help. I realized I must be doing this in my own strength, because God’s doesn’t come to an end. In His grace and mercy, He would renew me as I looked to Him and I would pick up where I left off.
But somewhere this cycle had to end. God’s mercy has to be severe at times. God allowed circumstances in my life that hedged me in to Him, where there was no way I could rely on myself.
It has been quite a journey, taking one step at a time in obedience, working out my own salvation with fear and trembling. I have had to let go of my desire (shocker!) to be a virtuous woman, and desire only Him!
I have had to realize that part of my desire to be a godly woman was motivated by a desire to be seen and known as a godly woman. Right there pride enters and we know how God feels about the proud!
I have had to learn that the way I led my "godly" life was actually feeding my fleshly self, the old creature in me, on anything but a starvation diet! I was indeed, the very definition of "self-righteous".
All the while, I looked good, lived right, and fit in with other Christians, was even admired to a certain extent. Meanwhile, God was leaving me more and more to my own "godly" devices (vices?). I was dying a slow death on the inside.
One of the thoughts that stands out to me, that God began using to get me to see my need was this.
At the wedding in Cana, Mary instructed the servants, "Whatever He says to you, that do."
An author I read said it this way, and it stuck. "Whatever He says to you, that do. No more, no less. Mine is the doing, when He says the word. His, is the bringing to pass."
By the grace of God I began to live by this simple thought. Jesus said He did nothing of Himself, only what the Father said. (His word is life.)
It led me to having to die to myself, my godly reputation was also not left untouched. In requiring my complete love, submission and obedience to be towards Him, God had to wean me from my other loves/motivations, godly virtues though they may have been. He brought me to smell the stench of my own self-righteousness, to repent of putting my hand to His ark, (Are we not the temple?) even my own self.
God did not send His Son into the world, so that men and women could lead clean, virtuous, holy, pure lives. Jesus came to restore us to the Father. When we live and move and have our being in God, He flows out through us. He is the Author and Originator of virtue.
I had to "diet" from being and feeling virtuous. Believe me, God knows how to slowly and surely reveal to us our need of Him, our desperate need!
It is a long story. A moment by moment, day by day, often agonizing journey that I think is probably something like an alcoholic goes through when he quits drinking.
The prayer of my heart is always, "Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts. See if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Even this telling, confessing, is a part of the process of refusing any righteousness but Christ’s.
I hear and see so much in the Christian scene that tells me I am not the only one. We are even taught to be virtuous. There’s much information on what virtuous looks like, sounds like, and how to’s.
God simply desires us to draw near to Him, to let go of our reputation, desires, identities, everything, and turn to Him. He wants us to be to Him, a people, so that He can be God to us. If we doggedly endeavor in ourselves to serve Him, we miss the point.
My favorite verse since I was a teenager has been, "We love Him because He first loved us." Such a simple verse, but so profound! I now know God is saying to me, everything must originate from Him, or it is of no value, no matter how good or godly it seems. He even keeps astonishing me by showing me more areas. It is such a joy to keep discovering God to be sufficient for all. Like the old hymn says, "Jesus Christ is made to me, all I need."
In my life, that looks like this:
- Choosing dependance on God for training my children in His way. I don’t turn to child- training books. They are His children and it is delightful to experience Him working in them. He turns our hearts towards Himself together. God, by His Holy Spirit teaches us and He has instruction for every type of child, and all the situations the child training book didn’t cover.
Most times it seems like He deals with me first. As I lay down my life to Him, His hands are untied to work mightily, once mine are out of the way.
- Choosing dependance on God in home-schooling my children, for me means trusting God has a plan for each of their lives and will direct and guide me in all aspects.
- In housekeeping, the simplest way to put it is to keep house for God. Sometimes that means leaving the mess and clutter and reading a book, even though that doesn’t feel virtuous. It also means God knows when unexpected company is coming, He can have you all prepared, everything tidy.
Warning: He also knows if you are finding identity in being a good housekeeper, or if you care a lot what others think.
We just have to keep our heart turned to God. He is very efficient and organization is a snap to Him. If you do what He tells you, He’ll tell you what to do.
- Shopping - this is an area God has made Himself known to me in, over and over. The times I’ve bought foods I don’t usually buy (or quantities of it) only to have unexpected guests and the menu was simple easy and yummy because of those very items. (There is so no agonizing over being organized and being prepared in the event of...)
The simple thought and request to God, "Please lead me and be for and in and through me what I need."
- Loving my husband - This one’s a biggie! If your heart is submissive to God, He will not fail you. God knew my heart and our future when He led us in writing our vows for our wedding. I covenanted my life first to my Lord Jesus, and then to my husband.
In being obedient to God, He has asked things of me that went against my husband. In fear and trembling I laid down my life, trusting God to steer me right. We have had hard water go under our bridge, but God has amazed me with how He knows all and works in deeper and more far-reaching ways than I could imagine. In being chaste to God there is power. In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.
God has been working in our lives. If we had to choose a scripture to portray what He’s working on, it would be this one: "Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it." I labored many years, protecting the relationship we had, when eventually God helped me see I needed to let go, so He could give us more. God is no shoddy builder! Praise You!
- Friendships - That’s a scary one for me! Like Michael Card’s song says, "Only a friend can betray a friend, a stranger has nothing to gain."
Jesus Christ is our Wonderful Counselor. Our government shall be upon His shoulders. I must let Him govern me! To be a true friend one must be true to Christ and love the truth. Only in being nothing, and Him, everything, can I really love anyone truly. He will steer us through the rocks of superficial friendship to the real mcCoy of laying down our lives.
So many subjects, so much need of Him - yet He is sufficient!
He is enough, and I am in Him.
So today, God... as I sit here writing, daylight is dawning. This is Your day. What should I do today? Please lead me. Thanks for sermons in a kernel of corn, for beautiful shiny counter top that inspires me to clear it off... Thanks so much, Daddy God, for knowing me and caring, for bringing me York mint patties like my earth Daddy did, in all aspects of my life. I’m forever grateful.
Today, please show me how to express that gratitude through my actions. Teach my girls, too. They need You like I do. I choose this day, to be Yours. I want to spend the day before Your throne, at Your feet. Let the alabaster box that is my life be broken for You. I have no other gift. May the love that You have given me, rise back to You like incense.

After writing this, I went to read in a devotional, "Springs in the Valley" by Mrs. Charles Cowman and was amazed at what I read. If you have the book, it was Jan.7. If not, and you want to hear it, let me know and I'll copy it in another post. Needless to say, it directly addressed what was happening in my heart! I love it when God does that!

Profession

2009-01-06T17:58:00.004-05:00

Have you ever watched the movie that came out the summer of 2007 called "Ratatouille"?
If you have, did it do anything to you besides make you laugh and feel hungry? I've just been thinking about it again and want to ruminate on it a bit.
Actually, rather then me saying too much... think of us as being the young boy who doesn't know how to "cook" and the Holy Spirit of God being like Remy. I so long for God to "cook" through me, to delight folks with Himself! As in the movie, there is much temptation to take the credit for the good things that come from our lives when Christ is in us. But... there is huge freedom that Satan doesn't want us finding out about, in being content to be a vessel, to in fact be nothing, but available.
As at the wedding in Cana, let's hear the words of Mary to the servants, "Whatever He says to you, that do." No more, no less.
I want to confess that in my life God has convicted me over and over of doing more than He says. Therein lies the potential for self righteousness!!!
Major W. Ian Thomas says that "responsibility does not rest heavily on a dead persons shoulders". Our "government" (what governs me) needs to rest on whose shoulders?
In all the issues that I face, here at home with my children, cooking meals, keeping everyone dressed and combed, cleaning house, homeschool, training children, relationships, being the wife and mother that God wants me to be, God wants me to let it all rest on His shoulders. In seeking Him, being dead, yet nevertheless living and moving and having my being in Him, I will find all I need to fulfill each task/position.
I want to state, here before all of you as witnesses, that I choose God. I will not depend on my own strength. I will not find my identity in whether my house is clean or cluttered, whether I am hospitable, efficient or not, organized or disorganized. I will not care what people think, only about who I am in Your eyes, Father. I will submit to You, as You continue to reveal to me all that needs to be surrendered to You. You will be my "unit study", not only in homeschooling my children, but in all of my life. I will trust You to be able and willing to to live through me, to be the wife my husband needs me to be, to love and raise my girls at Your moment by moment leading. I place my fears, my hopes, my needs, my lacks, my knowledge, in Your hands, to sift and do with as You will. You are my God. I want to be to You, a people. I want to be the chick that will come under Your wings and abide there. You have already proved Yourself to me more than I could ever deserve! I choose to depend on You! I owe my life to You, quite literally. All I am, or ever hope to be must come from You. I do not seek to be virtuous, except with the virtue that flows out from You. Let me lose my life and find it, Lord, in You, in continually deeper measure. I choose to walk humbly with You, no matter what! I believe in you, help Thou mine unbelief! I am amazed by Your mercy, astonished by Your patience, overwhelmed by Your lovingkindness. I am grateful for Your forgiveness, strengthened by Your joy, in awe of the grace You extend to me. I am forever indebted to Your faithfulness. OH GOD! Why me!?! Why are You so lavish with me? Your goodness is too much for me to comprehend!
May Your kingdom be forever established in my heart, yours to rule! I give You my allegiance, now and always. I covenant my self to You. Please never let me be the boss.

I never knew this post would end up being what it is... but God! There are no more words, only tears...

Happiest of New Years to You!

2009-01-01T10:19:00.002-05:00

On New Year's Day I always think of a poem I memorized in grade school... it is amazing what lodges in our hearts at young ages and effects us for life!
Here it is as close as I can remember it, I can't recall the author.

I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year.

"Give me a light, that I may tread safely into the unknown."

He said to me, "Put your hand into the hand of God.

That will be to you better than light

And safer than a known way."

"Happy New Year" is actually quite a light wish, most often casually spoken. True fulfillment is sometimes quite elusive.

Ephesians 2:4-7 says:

"But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in sins, made us alive together with Christ (By grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus."

Look at what God has accomplished for us to walk in if we choose to... what richness comes to us in Christ! Notice how the word "together" is used over and over and consider what is in God's heart.

This is our "Happy New Year!" from God. Let's accept it - take it!

Contentment?

2008-12-30T11:01:00.004-05:00

A fellow blogger has raised the subject of contentment, so I have been pondering it some. I 'm going to throw out my thoughts and you'll have to "scrapbook" with them. (A friend 's term I have adopted, as it is quite frequently fitting when you have many thoughts and haven't yet compiled them cohesively)
Paul said (in Phil.4:11-) "I have learned... to be content... through Christ who strengthens me." There's food for thought...
It seems we have a choice (1 Tim. 6:6-) with vastly different consequences.
Hebrews 13:5 says ...be content...for He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." That's a lot to content ourselves with, if we are truly experiencing Him with us!! It's not like we are settling for something small!
If we walk in delighting ourselves in the Lord, we know true contentment. We learn it. Years ago when I was single, I ran across a book that was titled "Single and Satisfied". I never did read the whole thing, because even the title was enough to stir my thoughts sufficiently. The gist of it was that you will never find satisfaction/fulfilment in anything outside of "Christ in you". If you aren't satisfied single, then you won't be, married, or with children, or the new job, etc. Boy, do we find that out!!!! It's a life lesson we do well to learn early!
For those who don't know me well, you'll notice my blog is full of pictures of my new house, still a work in progress. You can think... it's easy for her to be content!
Well, I lived in a 14'x70' mobile home for almost 13 years, and I can honestly say I was content and even cried when the mobile home left our yard. God sheltered us through so much in those walls... the births of our 5 daughters... the death of one...
There have been days already in my new home when I have felt utterly discontent and you know when it was?!? When I was feeling alienated from God, in a dark day... I can promise you the contentment we can walk in has nothing to do with what's outside of us, but what is inside. (or should I say, what's not inside!)
The truth is, when we desire Him and delight in Him, He delights in filling and fulfilling us, in our heart of hearts! We are also told we "must believe that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him." The title of my blog is sort of the story of my life! It seems every time I dare to believe God further, to give over yet more to Him, to count myself nothing and Him everything, He responds in ways that astonish me! God want us to truly believe He is who He says He is, even if what we experience makes no sense at times. He wants to be able to safely pour Himself out on us and in us and He can't do that until we can say with Job, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him."
This last weekend we had a friend here to visit. A single mother with two children that has gone through so much and continues to let God go deeper in her heart and life. I was humbled to experience what God did here amongst us. Father, YOU ARE WORTHY TO BE PRAISED!
Someone once said to us: We have as much of God as we want!
Part of me wanted to argue with that but somehow I couldn't...
May we say with John the Baptist: "HE MUST INCREASE, BUT I MUST DECREASE!"
God bless us everyone in that endeavor!
Psalm 139:24

HARK!

2008-12-24T17:08:00.003-05:00

HARK! What mean those holy voices sweetly sounding through the skies? Out of the empty place over the Judean hills appeared the angel of the Lord, radiating glory as only the majesty of highest calling has acquainted itself. What has happened to the message of the angel?
"Behold I bring you glad tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a Saviour which is Christ the Lord. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying; 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth, peace, goodwill toward men." Luke 2 KJV
Perhaps to our generation the message has been, more often than not, a voice over the speaker system, a carol that slipped over the tongue of the singer, or a quote from the scripture on Christmas morning by the pastor from the local assembly.
The message to the men of that day (and God willing our day) was an announcement of the coming of a saviour. Appearing first as a child, then as a saviour, he was to save men from this present world, delivering us out of the captivity of the infirmity and oppression of the powers of this world.
One does not have to look far to see many held captive; slaves to alcohol, drugs, lust, power, love of money, station, and many also suffering from physical sickness and disabilities such as the blind, deaf, dumb, paraplegic, crippled, cancer, aids, and a host of other diseases. Many go to bed hungry at night, rising each day to great want. Countless others are held captive to authority of state and government based upon the principles of the base (or) elementary world. (The system of men who rule by force.)
We have not yet touched on another great captivity... the confusion of false religions, great systems of religiosity with much profession but little power, if any, to the deliverance of the captives.
Was this message just a traditional Christmas story or was it, after all, a salvation message to a world caught in the clutches of great apostasy? (a falling away from God) The fact of the matter is, that the generation that heard the message saw the eyes of the blind opened, the deaf heard, the crippled were made whole, the dead were raised, false religion was exposed, the rich man gloried in his humiliation, and the poor man rejoiced in his riches. Social status and walls crumbled as men left their tax tables and fish nets for the greatest cause of all time. Finally the heart of the matter had been reached, the matter of the heart! The sanctuary of the heart was cleansed and men were set free from the bondage of "the old man". Jesus Christ led captivity captive and gave gifts unto men. The kingdom of God was not in word, but in power.

POWER TO THE DELIVERANCE OF THE CAPTIVE!

HARK! What means that voice today? The whole creation is groaning and travailing, awaiting the manifestation of the sons of God. Jesus has shown us the way through, by way of the cross. The power is in His life. That is the mystery. His life was exemplary. Every victory is first won in the heart. It was through love that He conquered, as a leader with noblest character.

All of mankind loves the true hero, one who overcomes tremendous odds to pursue an unlikely cause and come out a victor, overwhelmingly conquering the impossible. Jesus Christ, the greatest leader of all ages is again calling for a volunteer army of MEN who will follow all the way through the death of the self life to the resurrection power of the overcoming life, revealing the nature of Jesus in his "sons", confirmed by a powerful deliverance after the original pattern.

We have heard the words, BUT HAVE WE HEARD THE MESSAGE?!

by Gary Isaac

I like to reread this always, this time of year...please God, may we have ears to hear and hearts to obey!!!

Abigail's 2nd Birthday!

2008-12-12T18:29:00.001-05:00

Abigail is 2 years old now! Dec.11 at 11:27 a.m. !Here's a pic of her opening a present.

She was quite impressed! She, like all her sisters before her, always pulls out anything I put in her hair. This is her usual look!

She has a 100 watt smile! We lit the candles a couple times to prolong the fun...

Here she is ready for bed and we were watching an episode of Tales from Avonlea. Daddy had given her a shower and she wanted a bow in her hair. She wanted it out again shortly after! Hey, it was good while it lasted! She's a real sweetie and quite a corker!

The Girl's Bathroom

2008-12-12T16:51:00.001-05:00

This is the girls bathroom. It's quite small. The length of the tub, with the sink opposite. There's a nice amount of storage in these cupboards. They are pretty empty now, but wait a few years!!... The plumber made a mistake in here and had the pipe for the toilet too far out from the wall. It was all in cement with the tubing in it for heating, so we couldn't bust it up. So... they made a little wall in front of the wall and it made it so the cabinet above could be much deeper!

The door with the towel bar on it goes into a utility closet. There's the propane furnace, hot water heater and pressure tank. It's a little bathroom, but very do-able. There's a nice space between the tub and the rest.

For you who have visited us in our mobile home, I found this pic that shows the placing of the house in relation to the cabin etc.

Here's a picture of my brother Dalen and his wife Miriam and their two girls. Lexia is 4 and Amber is 2. This was taken in August before Dalen's hunting trip to Idaho. Dalen will have his 30th birthday this month!

The Girl's Rooms

2008-12-12T15:43:00.002-05:00

Hadassah and Chloe share this room. I thought it was going to be the most "basement" feeling room in the house and was in for a delightful surprise! The window is glass block and quite small, but when the sun shines in, in the morning, it throws beautiful light patterns on the floor. You can see it a little in this picture. Sometimes it's kind or "rainbowy" and sometimes it throws its cheer out into the hall and all the way into Damaris' room! This floor is usually decorated with dolls, beanie babies, play food, dishes, ponies etc. After all, they are 4 &6!

Hadassah has the top bunk and Chloe has the bottom. They have a nice "step-in" closet on the left /back wall.

This is the window from the outside now. We managed to have a stone that would bridge the window like a header.

This is Damaris' room. She did the arranging. The window cranks out and the ground is right beneath it. There is a "step-in" closet to the right, the door just this side of the pink doll bed. At first she kept it immaculate but the newness is wearing off and it's takes some effort to keep it nice. She's quite the one for having a routine. Each night she carefully closes her curtain around her bed. We haven't done anything on the walls in here yet. They are painted off-white. We have a large mirror that goes on the wall opposite the window to reflect more light. I want Abe to trim it with the same trim as the window. Hopefully that gets done this winter... I'd like to put up a wallpaper border or wallies or something, but I'm waiting for that "just right" thing!

Laundry Area

2008-12-12T15:04:00.001-05:00

Right in the middle of the downstairs, completely central to the bedrooms and bathrooms is my quaint little laundry area. We got a new washer and dryer that is super efficient. It's by Fisher and Paykel. Anyway... it's tucked in here with a custom cabinet above for the neccesaties.

The floors in the basement, whatever is not carpeted, is marble! Another of God's goodnesses to us. I never would have dreamt! We bought a pallet of it at an auction to make our shower in the master bath, and ended up with enough to use in the hall here and in the girls bathroom and also in front of the exterior doors. When we bought it I liked it, just seeing a few tiles. I had no idea, it being completely natural, that there would be so much varieation! Of course I have some favorite tiles... there is some green and pink in it even and some flecks of mica... Like wood has beautiful grain, this is natural stone and it too reflects it's Maker! At the end of this hall is the girls bathroom, between their two bedrooms. Hadassah and Chloe's room is on the right and Damaris is on the left.

This pic is taken standing in Dassie and Chloe's room... you can see a tiny bit of the washer to get your bearings. We hang the bath towels here in the hall where there is better air circulation, after all, this is a basement. Damaris' room is straight ahead.